Just as it is important to believe in God’s mercy and forgiveness, it is also necessary to base our relationship with others on forgiveness. To expect God’s forgiveness, we should forgive those who do wrong to us. Forgiving a friend, even forgiving one’s enemies is one of the most important teachings found in all scriptures. In the Qur’an, God has described the Believers as “those who avoid major sins and gross indecencies, and even if they become angry, they will forgive” (42:37). And in another verse: “Those who give in good times and in bad, suppress their rage and forgive other people – God loves those who do good deeds” (03:134). In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus taught: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) taught: “You don’t do evil to those who do evil to you, but you deal with them with forgiveness and kindness.” Yet, at the same time he was teaching all of us to forgive and be kind, he was teaching us to ask God for forgiveness. He prayed: “O God, You are the Most Forgiving, You love to forgive, so forgive me” (At-Trimidhi & Ibn Majah). Such are the teachings of Prophet Muhammad to his followers—forgive others before asking God for forgiveness. A believer usually knows that he/she always falls short of God’s expectations. We can fall victim to our own ego. We can be very abusive when others try to abuse us. We need God’s mercy and forgiveness all the time. It is wrong to assume at any time that one will find eternal salvation without God’s forgiveness and grace.
Your birth is God saying that you matter, that you have an indispensable contribution to make to the world. Since your contribution is essential, no problem should impede you from achieving the purpose for which you were created. You should rise above the pain others have caused you and find the love and strength to forgive both the other and yourself.
Many people however, have misconceptions about what forgiveness really means. Forgiveness is not about finding excuses for the offending person’s behavior or pretending it didn’t happen. Forgiveness is a process through which you need to become consciously aware of what happened, why you are hurt, and who caused you to hurt, and you need to consciously decide to free yourself from that predicament by building the confidence necessary to declare that you will no longer remain locked in that situation as a victim; that you will no longer perpetuate negative life patterns through blame and anger; that you will instead access the love God gives each one of us in order to fulfill the unique and singular purpose for which each one was created.
God gave each one of us direct access to Him, to seek shelter in Him every time we are hurt, to seek help to overcome pain caused by others, to heal from every hurt or abuse. But above all, God gave us the ability to forgive. It is one of the resources that God has given each one of us. But it is up to us to use it.
We will begin to heal when we let go of past hurts, forgive those who have wronged us and learn to forgive ourselves for our mistakes.
Hence, we should free ourselves from the hold of our own injured ego and forgive. Forgiveness is freedom. But freedom from what? Freedom from the bondage of an injured ego, from seeking revenge, from blaming others instead of total submission to God’s will.
Forgiveness is not a gift to the other as much as it is a gift one gives to oneself. It reconciles us with people and with our Creator. So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them” (Luke 17:3-4).
A group of people who do not forgive their oppressor will always be in bondage to their desire for revenge. Haven’t they heard the Qur’an reminding them: “You will always find deceit in all but a few, forgive them and forget (their oppression). God loves those who honor Him by forgiving” (5:13). “Do not say, “I will repay evil”; Wait for the LORD, and He will save you” (Proverbs 20:22).
By the same token a nation that does not forgive its enemies will always be in bondages to pain and guilt. Its guilt will always stalk it, until that nation builds enough courage and good sense for reconciliation with its enemies. “Good and evil are never equal. Repel evil with good, and your enemy will become like an intimate friend” (41:34). This is a principle that applies to all of us, whether as individuals or as states.
The wars we are witnessing today are simply based on selfishness and a lack of empathy. They are driven by a desire to rob and abuse other nations, by egocentrism and selfishness that is leading them to aggression, whereas God teaches us: “but do not be aggressors, for God does not love aggressors” (02:190), “and let not the enmity and hatred of others make you avoid justice. Be just: that is nearer to piety” (al-Maa’idah 5:8).