“I was not your typical kid, and my parents were not your typical parents, and the combination of our unique quirks and habits was extremely toxic and unsettling,” writes Dawn Lerman in her wonderful book, My Fat Dad: A Memoir of Food, Love and Family, with Recipes.
My Fat Dad is a tribute to food and the role it plays in each of our lives. It’s also the story of a lonely Jewish girl growing up in the 1970s, who’s love for food and cooking provided an escape from a lonely childhood, a journey of self-discovery and the ability to love oneself.
Dawn was born in a Jewish family on the North Side of Chicago during the mid-1960s. I was born into a Catholic one in the Rogers Park section of Chicago during the mid-1970’s. Despite these differences, while reading My Fat Dad I frequently felt as if I was reliving my own childhood. Like Dawn, I had a difficult time seeing any special qualities in myself and as I got older had to learn how to accept and love my parents for who they were and not who I wanted them to be.
Dawn is a certified-nutrition expert who has written for the New York Post and the New York Times wellness blog. The mother of two, she heads the company Magnificent Mommies, that educates young people, schools, and educators in the importance of good nutrition.
During much of her life, Dawn had a distant relationship with her father. Albert Lerman was a successful copyeditor, who created popular advertising slogans like “Leggo My Eggo” and “This Bud’s for You”. He was a man with his own troubled relationships, the biggest one being that with his bathroom scale. He had an undeniable weight problem, at his heaviest weighing in at 450 pounds. The day’s first and last activity was to weigh himself, which all too frequently led to a demoralizing feeling and frequent bad moods.
In an attempt to lose weight, Mr. Lerman tried every diet plan on the market, including Weight Watchers, Sleeping Beauty Diet and Adkins. When he spent weeks eating only white rice or cereal his family was restricted to the same diet.
Dawn’s mother, Phyllis, also had a less than ideal diet, often getting by each day on nothing more than a can of tuna fish. With her parents’ poor eating habits, Dawn was always hungry and frequently underweight, something that concerned her pediatrician.
Dawn grew up somewhat in the shadow of her younger sister, April, who tended to get more of their mother’s attention, if not affection. Having spent the first five years of her life as a single child, Dawn was thrilled when her sister was born in February 1969 when she was in kindergarten and the girls developed a close, lifelong bond. As Dawn wrote, “I was so excited to hold her. She was smaller and more perfect than I imagined. From the first second I held her, I was never the same. I loved her instantly, and my life was forever transformed.”
April Lerman was a talented child actress who played Tessie in the first national tour of the Broadway musical, Annie, and Kate in the 1982 film version of the show. She is probably best remembered as Lila Pembroke, the perky Duran Duran loving 14-year old who dreams of popularity on the first season of Charles In Charge in 1984 and 1985. Phyllis Lerman had dreamed of being an actress and it’s my impression that at times she lived that dream through her younger daughter.
As a child, Dawn possessed a strong bond with her grandmother, Beauty – Phyllis’s mother. “My maternal grandmother always told me if just one person loves you, that is enough to make you feel good inside and grow up strong. For me that person was my grandmother Beauty.”
It was Beauty that taught the young girl the delight of food and cooking. Beauty lived in West Rogers Park, and Dawn often spent weekends with her. Much time was spent in the kitchen, as Beauty taught her granddaughter how to prepare some of her favorite dishes, like Beauty’s Chicken Soup, and the joy to be had from both cooking and eating their culinary creations.
When Dawn was 9 years old, her father was offered a job as a creative director at an ad agency in New York City, so the Lerman family left Chicago, and Dawn moved away from Beauty. “I was heartsick.” A bond knows no boundaries and Beauty assured her beloved granddaughter that the move from Chicago to New York City would not change things between them, devising a clever plan to lift Dawn’s spirits. “Beauty assured me that every week she would send me a recipe and a twenty-dollar bill so that I would have something to look forward to.”
With Al spending more of his time away from home attending business functions and Phyllis viewing her oldest daughter’s healthy cooking and eating habits as a form of snobbery, Dawn tested many of her latest creations on April. “I watched with anticipation as she ate, waiting for her smile of approval. As we snacked, I read aloud to her from A.A. Milne’s Winnie the Pooh. As a child, Dawn was also fond of the book Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh, which was her biggest inspiration for becoming a writer.
Not long after starting his new job in New York City, Al Lerman was sent by his employer to a “Fat Farm” at Duke University in Durham, North Carolina on a six-month paid medical leave, so that he could lose weight. Celebrities like Buddy Hackett, Dom DeLuise, Shelly Winters and Elizabeth Taylor had participated in Duke’s weight loss program.
Dawn, April and Phyllis visited him at Duke several months into his stay and was surprised but pleased to discover that Al had lost more than one hundred pounds. While visiting her father, Dawn attended several classes on healthy eating and was diagnosed with an iodine sensitivity. When he checked out of Duke, Al had lost an astonishing one hundred and seventy-five pounds.
Like her mother, Dawn had an interest in acting. “I always dreamed of being an actress – being in a world where I was loved and adored, where the applause was for me.” After falling in love with the Broadway show Annie, Dawn decided that she would audition to be one of Annie’s orphans. The only set back was that Annie was a musical, so cast members would not only be required to act but to also sing and dance. “Every dance teacher I ever had studied with told me that I had two left feet and I had a dreadful voice.” Dawn decided that April would audition in her place, and after some reluctance and a lengthy audition process, the youngest Lerman sister was cast as Tessie.
With April on a yearlong tour with Annie and Phyliss accompanying her, Dawn was saddened that her beloved sister would be gone but hoped that this would leave quality time for her and her father. At first, Al came home for a delicious dinner cooked by Dawn, but soon Mr. Lerman was attending work related functions, leaving his daughter alone at home. So lonely was Dawn at home, she would often leave for school an hour before classes began, just to be miserable at school. When I was in 6th grade, I went through the same routine and like myself, Dawn was sent to the school therapist.
During this period, Dawn befriended a lady named Olga, who worked in the school cafeteria. Olga introduced the young girl to great new recipes and encouraged her to reconnect with her grade school friend Sarah. In no time, Dawn was introducing Sarah to recipes and in turn Sarah was teaching Dawn about fashion.
The summer of 1979. It was the late 70s disco craze, in the wake of Saturday Night Fever. Punk rock and new wave ruled New York City clubs like CBGB’s. Studio 54 was the city’s most famous disco. It had been the inspiration for “Miss You” the Rolling Stones’ #1 hit from the summer before. Studio 54 was the place to be seen. Dawn and her friend Marley bought fake I.Ds and decide to crash 54 and meet up with their friend Robyn.
For Dawn, Studio 54 was like Oz, a world beyond her widest imagination. Celebrities like Mick Jagger, Jerry Hall, and Liza Minnelli were mixing it up. “The lure of the club became an addiction.” Studio 54 is remembered for among other things, cocaine galore. “Many people I befriended fell victim to drugs and alcohol as an escape. For me, the escape was the music, the colorful people… allowing me to realize my own dreams and fantasies.”
Dawn would become a frequent visitor to Studio 54 and under the strobe lights, she found “my confidence and my belief in myself grew.”
My Fat Dad: A Memoir of Food, Love, and Family with Recipes by Dawn Lerman is a touching story about a lonely girl who finds happiness and to appreciate her inner beauty. This is a journey that we’ve all taken, and this wonderful book is a joy to read and one that I cannot recommend enough.
Thanks to Dawn for helping with this article.
Dedicated to Dawn Lerman and my late grandparents.