~ by Hannah Skipper
My Dear Garrotte,
I hope that you realize the kind of restraint that I’m showing as I write this letter. In fact, it took me several hours just to calm down after I received your latest update, and I daresay, only the thought of devouring you after you have completely failed made me calm enough to continue on. I mean, really? Didn’t I warn you about this kind of thing happening? Didn’t I? Didn’t I? You incompetent fool. You’re just lucky that I care about you as much as I do because that’s the only reason that I’m willing to help you clean up this little blunder.
Now, your last letter states that your varmint disappeared for a minute, just like I warned you about, and when you found him again, you heard him mention to Picquet’s patient that he had been made a lifetime high king and that his siblings are a king and queens under him. Is this really true? Well, I delighted because I already have a brilliant plan by which to attack him.
All you have to do is infect him with a delightful tactic called Pride.
Now, Pride, I must say, is probably my favorite tactic because, not only is it very easy to initiate, it is also hilarious to watch. Let me tell you a little story to demonstrate why. It comes from that disgusting era when the Enemy Himself was walking the earth as a Human. I was working in the field back then, just as you are now, and I had a patient who was very rich and quite insufferable. I’m telling you, that little louse kept all of the Enemy’s commandments and he never seemed to do anything that I suggested. In fact, I used to despair that I would be demoted for failure in much the same way that you should be despairing over your incompetence right now.
Anyways, my patient still thought that he was lacking something that would bring him into the Enemy’s Kingdom—and why he cared about that is something that I’ve never understood—so one day he found Him and asked Him directly what it was that he lacked. I was terrified that it would end my career, but then the Enemy told him to give away everything that he owned and follow Him, so I infected His heart with Pride because, naturally, someone as gifted as I am could plainly see that my patient had too much stuff to simply give it all away. I mean, between all his heirlooms and the stuff that he had bought on his own, what could he have given up?
Well, let me just wrap this story up by saying how proud I was when I presented that little varmint’s soul to Our Father Below. After that, the best part was—I got promoted!
Now, this same Pride concept can be used on your varmint, too. First, you should suggest to him that he was made High King over the others because he deserves it. I mean, naturally, he is the best, isn’t he? Of course, he is.
Of course, by the “the best” I mean that he the smartest, strongest, most well-liked, handsomest, wealthiest, and on and on about all those silly qualities that Human varmints put so much value in. And, of course, you must remember that Pride is best served at a party, so you should make sure that your varmint isn’t shy about himself having superior qualities. I believe the Humans varmints call this “lording it over” someone. That’s a delightful little phrase, isn’t it?
Say, did you know that Pride in one varmint generally results in Resentment in others, so this is something you should work with your colleagues on. And, of course, don’t think that your patient can’t be infected with Resentment, too. In fact, your little varmint can be infected with the best Resentment of all: Resentment towards the Enemy Himself. I get excited just thinking about it, don’t you?
Now, here’s how you do it. After you have stoked his Pride with thoughts about deserving his new status and memories of all the stuff that he used to have, you can turn around and remind him that he is just a little snot again now. I mean, just let his mind dwell on everything that the Enemy took away from him and remind him that his current life is so dull and uninteresting. Certainly that will be fun, at least for us.
Just make sure that you keep his mind off the idea of his supposed lifetime kingship, because then he might start thinking that he has a stake in the Enemy’s kingdom even when he isn’t where the Enemy dragged him off to.
It would be very bad if he thought of things like that—or, at least, it would be very bad for you.
Well, now I need to sign off because your colleagues are just as inept as you, but you must always remember how much I care and, as always, keep me up to date on your progress.
Your affectionate Uncle,
Screwtape
______________________________________________________________________________
Author’s Notes: Screwtape’s story comes from Matt. 19:16-22 and Mark 10:17-22.
First off, let me state that, particularly with Peter, these letters intend to shed light on each Friends’ possible temptation, not necessarily what they actually do in the Chronicles.
A Garrotte is a torture device which crushes the victims’ neck, causing death by asphyxia. It can be cable, wire, rope, chain, nylon…or anything else that will wrap around a neck. I chose Garrotte as Peter’s demon because, as High King, we tend to see him more so than the others, as the leader. Obviously, a leader needs to be able to communicate to lead and you can’t do that if your throat has been cut. Screwtape’s Pride suggestion is intended to give the High King the idea that he is an all-end leader when, in reality, I think it is their collective leadership as a Tetrarchy (ruler by four), under Aslan’s leadership, that brings Narnia into its Golden Age.