My Dear Pavo,
I just want to begin by saying that I’m very satisfied with the recent turn of events concerning your patient.
After all, whenever the Enemy starts trying to interfere with my great plans for His disgusting chosen country with such blatant acts of sabotage as warfare, the best way to counterattack is for my side to install a young immature varmint into a leadership position.
I mean, doesn’t the Enemy Himself say that the vermin are prone to follow the teachings they learned when they were young?
So, naturally, your patient is quite likely to become a leader after a fashion of his delightfully savory relation, who I just ate a little earlier today.
You know, now that the Enemy has banished so many of your patient’s kinmen from this world, the ones who are left must feel very insecure about their status in His horrid chosen country because your patient is such a young and untested leader.
Well, with any luck, he will quickly reassure them by actions and decrees that the Enemy is not really going to change everything around by giving His ranks preferential treatment.
But, just to make sure things go according to my plans, it will be very important for you to constantly suggest to your patient that he is not and never will be an accepted member of the Enemy’s camp, no matter how often He tells him differently.
I mean, the very idea is so ridiculous that you’d better keep on your talons and counter His lies at any hour of the day and night.
Say, did you know that I’m more than just satisfied with the current events in Enemy’s chosen country? I’m actually just plain giddy.
You see, not only did the Enemy make your immature untested varmint the new leader of His chosen country, He also banished those four horrible Human varmints from another world who used to rule here and had recently returned. Oh, my me, I’m still laughing about that because if they had remained here for any length of time, they would have undoubtedly tried to reinforce all those nonsensical notions that He has been teaching your patient since He met him..
I mean really, what business did they have coming back here and trumping up the Enemy’s self-proclaimed status as King of His people and Lord of His chosen nation? I was completely infuriated by their claims that He is the light that will destroy my great darkness and the so-called hope that will counter all my useful tactics and the so-called peace that will satisfy the unproductive restless curiosity that has, unfortunately, coaxed many gullible vermints like yours to question ideas that I like.
I mean really, I could have just blown up when those four punks suggested that greater things are actually still to come and greater things are actually still to be done in the Enemy’s chosen country.
I would have preferred that your patient think that this land has already seen it’s finest hour and that it’s best days are behind it.
At any rate, do you know what is even more productive than those four awful Humans from another world who used to rule here being banished again? What’s even more productive is that the Enemy told those despicable older Male and Female rulers that their banishment would be permanent. That means that my side will never have to deal with them again. I’m telling you, I haven’t been this giddy since I decided to destroy the Enemy’s awful creation on the very first day of this dreadful world.
You know, I don’t think that you should believe the Enemy’s claim that He permanently banished the older Male and Female rulers from His chosen country. Quite frankly, I don’t believe Him. Of course, I’ve never been in the habit of believing what He says.
But, think about it. Their banishment is such an arbitrary sentence. He has no right to do that to them after all that they’ve done for Him and His ranks here in this world. I mean, what did they do to deserve permanent banishment? It’s simply not fair to them. Besides, when He made them rulers long ago, didn’t He tell them that once they became rulers of His chosen country, they would always be rulers here?
Obviously, He had ulterior motives back then and He is lying now so I suggest that you keep a sharp watch out for their return. After all, the Enemy is very astute when it comes to trickery.
Of course, the permanent banishment of the older Male and Female rulers is a small victory for my side but it is also, unfortunately, very hollow. I’m still livid because He didn’t permanently banish the younger Male and Female rules too.
You know, I really doubt that a stupid little devil like yourself can comprehend how horrible it would be for my side if the Enemy interferes with my awesome plans again by sending another round of varmints from another world to His chosen country. Let me dredge up an old lesson from your Temptation University days to illustrate my point.
Long ago, I had three particular employees; one was doing a decent job and had actually convinced his patient to work alongside my old friend, but the other two were completely worthless and allowed their patients to carry on a clandestine relationship with the Enemy. Well, over the course of a day or two, all three of these ancient employees completely lost control of their assignments and the Enemy took advantage of their major gaffes by bringing in those aforementioned awful Humans from another world to rule His chosen country.
Now, I only mention that unfortunate past episode because I’ve been watching you and your colleagues lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re all suffering from the same kind of incompetence that plagued your ancient colleagues and, obviously, that’s what precipitated this recent unfortunate episode.
Of course, to be sure, I’m not blaming you for the Enemy’s most recent invasion. Believe me, I get it. It’s all your colleague, Quisling’s fault, for letting his patient lead yours astray. And it’s all your colleague’s, Ream’s fault, for standing by while his patient nursed yours back to health, even in the face of opposition from your colleagues’ Pyrrho and Carios’ patients.
I’m telling you, what bad luck you’ve had to be working with such fools. I pity you. I really do.
Then again, if you were worth your salt, you’d have been able to accomplish your assignment regardless of your idiotic colleagues’ performances.
At any rate, even though you clearly missed several opportunities to point your patient towards my dinner table over the years, your job is far from over so I’m going to tell you what you should’ve been suggesting all this time anyway. After all, you may still be able to use it someday.
For starters, even before Quisling’s old brat started coming around, you should have used the tactic of Distraction by suggesting your patient become obsessed with finding his paternal relation’s killer. This suggestion is generally quite effective because varmints tend to be particularly interested in avenging delightful wrongs committed against their own relations. In fact, a long time ago, my side attacked an ancient varmint’s relation as a part of a multi-pronged attack on the varmint himself.
Unfortunately, my ancient employee who was overseeing that awful punk’s soul was the dumbest demon that I’ve ever coached. Of course, the end result was decent because I ate that worthless employee.
Anyway, when you make your suggestion, you should disguise the tactic of Distraction as something else and, in this case, the tactic of Vengeance would be very suitable. This is because vermin in the Enemy’s camp don’t like to acknowledge it when they take their eyes off Him.
That’s the awesome thing about the tactic of Distraction; it can be disguised as literally any other tactic in my side’s arsenal.
And, of course, if your patient had been listening to my suggestions of distracting Vengeance, when he finally met the Enemy face to face and learned about His camp’s most basic tenets, it might have been easier for you to encourage him to realize that His demands are completely unreasonable.
With that, let me move on to that unfortunate face to face meeting with the Enemy that I just mentioned.
Obviously, now that He has revealed Himself to your patient in the fur, your once effective suggestion that He is simply a myth will not be as effective.
Unfortunately, it is infuriatingly common for varmints who encounter the Enemy face to face to become full of self-righteous zeal because they think that He has given them some kind of favored status in His camp.
Naturally, though, being the smart capable little demon you are, you might be able to encourage your patient to get bogged down with his everyday life and, with any luck, he may one day look back upon his face to face meeting with the Enemy as a childish fantasy.
Accomplishing that might help you make up for your recent slip-up, but I doubt it. After all, I’m very unforgiving.
But I digress. Did you happen to take notes on what the Enemy told your patient when they met face to face? I bet that you didn’t because you’re lazy and worthless. Well, never fear because, as I’ve told many of your worthless colleagues over the centuries, I care about you and I’m always ready to help you out of the jams that you get yourselves into.
So, let me briefly recap the meeting. The Enemy gave your patient a very lame speech about his heritage and then He had the audacity to add some ludicrous bit about Human varmints carrying both honor and a shame and that your patient should be content with his lot in life.
Well, do you know what I say? Why should your patient be content with his lot in life? Can you give me even one reason? I bet that you can’t and, for once, I won’t be angry about your ignorance because there is literally no reason for your patient to suffer under the harsh and despicable virtue of contentment.
After all, to be content is to suffer without complaint under the unbearable situations that the Enemy dolls out to each varmint throughout their worthless lives.
That’s a harsh sentence because the Enemy is unmerciful.
Why should your patient, who is the newly-minted ruler of the Enemy’s chosen country, be content to suffer under His constant arbitrary wrath for just a small amount of His arbitrary favor?
Let me give you an example of why the horrid virtue of contentment is a waste of your patient’s time and talent. He is the ruler of just one nation, isn’t he? Well, don’t you think that he is talented enough to rule more than one country?
You know, if I had any luck, your patient would already be ruling more than one nation. After all, long ago, when your patient’s great-tasting ancestors took over the Enemy’s chosen country, I made plans for them to continue on by taking over the southern country that He loves too. Unfortunately, my ancient employee, who managed the soul of the leader of that weak pathetic nation, was completely inept and so all my awesome suggestions were wasted.
I’m telling you, I feel bad for you. I mean really, I certainly can’t blame you when the deck was stacked against your work by your worthless inept ancient colleagues. It’s not your fault that your patient isn’t already ruling this world.
Of course, it is very much your fault that he hasn’t latched onto the Greed and Pride that infected his great tasting ancestors.
So, how should you start infecting him with the great vices of Greed and Pride after all these wasted years? Well, you should suggest that since he is now actually ruling one nation, he should travel around this awful little world to find other lands to forcibly take over. I mean, power goes to the vermin’s heads very easily, doesn’t it? Of course, it does.
Does your patient know about the lands that lie beyond that little archipelago in the middle of nowhere and the Enemy’s chosen country has governed for many centuries? I don’t think that any varmint knows what is beyond them.
Of course, I happen to know what is beyond them because I have employees working with vermin in those far-flung places. If you manage to get your patient to latch onto my amazing suggestion of world domination, then I’ll write to your colleagues who are stationed in the utter east and tell them to be on alert for you.
Also, to add one more bit. It would be productive for my side if you suggested that your patient become so preoccupied with forcibly taking over other lands that he neglects the Enemy’s chosen country.
That way, with any luck, I can start recovering what the Enemy unfortunately stole from me in this recent inconvenient episode.
Now, as a word of warning, if your patient continues to be full of the loathsome self-righteous zeal that has infected him since signing up with the Enemy’s camp, he may be wary of behaving like his savory ancestors, who were always willing to use my benign excuses for their great brutality, so you shouldn’t mention them when you make your suggestion to travel around the world.
Instead, you could suggest that it is the Enemy’s will for your patient to forcibly take over other lands because whoever is out there is undoubtedly a heathen savage who needs to be converted.
Or you could suggest that he uses ulterior motives for taking his trip, like maybe searching for some long lost friend or something.
Now, let me move on to another tactic that could be equally beneficial to you and, more importantly, me.
That is the tactic of Despair.
As everyone on my side should know, the Enemy created the Human vermin from dust so, obviously, they’re worthless scum. I mean, how dare your patient think that he is sufficient to rule a whole nation?
It’s enough to make me laugh.
I’m telling you, Despair is a very effective tactic to use on vermin who have only recently signed on with the Enemy’s ranks. All you have to do is constantly remind him of all the grandiose claims that the Enemy makes about Himself and then suggest that he is unworthy of all the arbitrary favor that the Enemy claims to give him.
But, again, I need to warn you about something. When using the Despair tactic, or any other tactic for that matter, it is critical to keep your patient from remembering the dreadful rumors about the Enemy having already regarded the vermin’s helpless estate and how He, supposedly, shed His own blood to completely rectify that situation.
Why would the Enemy die for a filthy varmint like yours? Isn’t your patient related to one of the worst sinners? Of course, he is. And, in comparison to the four awful Human varmints from another world who used to rule here and were recently banished again, isn’t your patient the least of all His messengers?
Of course, unfortunately, you’ll have to be constantly vigilant to make sure that your patient doesn’t continue to use that awful weapon that the older Female ruler from another world gave to him before she was banished from this world.
I mean, just consider what kind of trouble that awful potent weapon has already caused for my side. Then consider what will happen to you if your patient uses it again. Can you even fathom how many fireballs will fly out of my mouth?
Oh my me, I’ve written you quite a long letter, haven’t I? I bet that you’re going to have your hands full trying to decipher all my amazing advice. That being said, I’m going to sign off and start stoking my hottest oven so that it will be ready for you the moment that you fail completely.
The Loathsome, Frightening, Power-Hungry,
Tash
(all honor and glory to me)
Author’s Notes: Pavo is named for Pavo Cristatus, which is the scientific name for the Indian Peafowl. I chose it for the phrase, “Proud as a peacock” because I think Caspian will be most tempted by both Pride and Shame.
Bible Verses: Prov. 22:6; 2 Tim. 1:5; Isa: 43:19-21; 2 Cor. 5:17-20; John 10:16; Psalm 121:3-4; 2 Tim. 3:16-17; Deut. 32:35; Rom. 12:19; Heb. 10:30-31; Job:1:9-11; Matt. 6:33-34; Rom. 8:5; Col. 3:1-2; Ex. 20:1-17; Matt. 7:12; Rom. 12:21; Phil. 4:11-13; Luke 6:36; Psalm 30:5; Lam. 3:22-23; John 10:10; 1 Tim. 6:6-12; Psalm 103:14; Rom. 5:6-11; 1 Tim. 1:15-16; 1 Cor. 15:9-11; Phil. 4:6-7; James 1:5-8; 1 John 5:14-15