~ by Meagan McKinstry
The author reflects on the significance of the Resurrection and how it should serve as a foundation for trusting in Christ, even in times when much seems to be going wrong.
In many ways, the Easter holiday is the cornerstone of the Christian faith. It is the day we celebrate Christ’s triumph over the grave, over the horrific death Jesus suffered for our sake so that we could be freed from the bondage of sin. I daresay most practicing Christians hold the Resurrection closely to their hearts. The weight of that sacrifice and the love for humanity it demonstrates are so profound that it’s almost overwhelming. For me, it is the basis of my devotion to Christ, the primary thing that has made me feel close to Jesus throughout my life. Consequently, when I was asked if I could contribute a reflection on Easter to this issue of Fellowship and Fairydust, my initial response was “Yeah, I think so!” Given the great spiritual significance that the Easter holiday holds for me, I figured it wouldn’t be too hard for me to come up with something. Once I accepted the invitation, however, I started to feel a bit of doubt. After all, I’m far from a theological expert. What could I possibly have to offer?
It may well be that I haven’t any novel ideas to supply; that anything I’ve written has already been said before, more eloquently and by someone with greater knowledge of Christian theology. But as I sorted through my internal unease, I came to the realization that maybe that’s not the point. Perhaps my musings don’t need to be groundbreaking in order to have value. Maybe, if I simply speak from the heart, my words will be exactly what someone needs to hear in a particular moment. I can’t even count the number of times that the writings of others – especially faith-centered writings – have had that effect on me. Oftentimes, the author’s statement has expressed an idea I’ve heard before. It was nothing new, nothing innovative – but a message meant to find me nonetheless; one that wasn’t in the forefront of my mind until I saw the words written on the page. Therefore, I humbly present my reflections, in the hope that readers might benefit from them in whatever way God intends.
Perhaps it’s odd that, to begin what is supposed to be a reflection on Easter, I’ve now spent two sizeable paragraphs talking not about said holiday, but about whether I ought to talk about Easter in the first place. However, there’s a hidden significance behind that decision that ties directly into the major theme I want to highlight: the unlimited abilities of God. You see, my opening paragraphs originate from the impulse to prove myself ‘qualified’ to take up space within the pages of this issue – an impulse that comes from my own lack of self-confidence, from the misguided notion that I’m not truly capable of producing something of worth. While there are probably a lot of valid reasons for my insecurities, and I fully acknowledge how difficult it can be for one to overcome a lifetime of self-doubt, neither changes the fact that my lack of belief in myself reflects a deficit in my faith in Christ.
I do want to be unmistakably clear that, when I speak of a deficit in my faith, that’s what I believe about myself. I would never pass judgement on the faith of anyone else who regards themselves harshly; after all, it’s a relentless world that we live in. I know firsthand how hard it is to keep one’s eyes fixed on the positive, whether that positive be a higher power or an abstract sentiment. Nevertheless, solely when evaluating my own perspective, I view my failure to believe in myself as a failure to trust that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Fortunately, Easter serves as an annual reminder of this fundamental truth. Though I’ve never properly appreciated it before this moment, I now realize that Easter presents the perfect opportunity to not only celebrate the foundation of my faith, but also to reinforce that faith. The Resurrection is not only a demonstration that God can perform the impossible, but an assurance that God is willing to go to such extremes for us. That’s what I want readers to take away from this piece: the reminder that God’s capabilities are endless, no matter how deep the hole in which we believe ourselves buried.
Like I’ve said, I know it’s hard to remain hopeful. I can certainly tell you that I am a forgetful creature when it comes to the reality of Christ’s mercy. Just as many of Christ’s followers did not believe in the Resurrection until Jesus’ identity or scars were explicitly revealed, I often forget the power of Christ when a reminder is not right in front of me. To cut myself a little slack, there are certainly many distractions to succumb to. I’ve been struggling lately against fear and loneliness that threaten to send me tumbling into a pit of despair, and I would venture to guess that many readers have faced similar conundrums.
As for me – in many ways, I can’t complain. I am employed as an attorney, doing meaningful work. I have adequate access to food, water, and shelter. I am healthy and safe and recently received my first dose of the COVID-19 vaccination. Emotionally, however, I am experiencing some struggles. I’ve been enduring a fair amount of anxiety in connection with my work, to the point where I’ve felt somewhat desperate to find a cure for that anxiety. I am always worrying that I won’t complete tasks in a sufficient amount or time, or that I will make a mistake that has catastrophic repercussions for a client. I worry about how the confrontational aspects of practicing law will make me feel, and how I will respond in those situations. I worry that if I “fail” in my career, I will not be worthy of love.
I’m still quite new to my job, so I recognize that some of this anxiety might ease as I grow more accustomed to the work. It’s difficult to discern, however, whether that is in fact the case, or whether I am in the wrong career. Simply allowing time to run its course could supply the answer, but I fear that, in the meantime, I’ll be left to live with the anxiety. And then, of course, what if things don’t improve? What if I stick it out in this career, only to come to the conclusion that it’s not for me? What will I do then? I genuinely do not know, and that makes me feel trapped. Afraid. Even desperate.
It doesn’t help, either, that the isolation associated with the pandemic has really started to negatively affect me. I am craving normalcy; longing to have regular interaction with my friends again. I’m not sure if a social life would entirely mitigate the stresses of work, but surely it would provide more balance, as well as fundamentally satisfy my human need for connection with others. I make an effort to get outside as many days as possible, but even on beautiful days when the sun warms my face, I can’t help but feel somewhat sad that I’m alone. I’m often surrounded by people in public areas, yes, but I have no interaction with any of them. It’s still a form of solitude. While I consider myself an introvert, I have discovered over the past few weeks that human interaction is more important to my mental well-being than I ever realized. While more and more people are getting vaccinated, the virus remains a threat, and I take very seriously the responsibility to practice social distance to keep others safe. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult to exist largely in isolation. I’m sure there are many of you reading this who have had similar experiences, or maybe even are struggling in similar ways at this very moment.
The problem with how I’ve handled this situation thus far is that I’ve predominantly been trying to get through it on my own, or rely on help from the humans in my life. As I sit typing these words, I know and understand that the aid my family and friends can offer me is made possible only through the grace of God. When I accept their help, though, I don’t usually think about the role God played in providing me that support. I need to develop the habit of turning first to God when I am in distress, prior to attempting anything else. I have experienced before the comfort that prayer can bring, but for some reason, that knowledge continually seems to slip from my grasp. I must commit myself to communicating with God on a regular basis – something I’ve never done a good job of.
I’m not sure why it’s so difficult for me to invest in a robust prayer life, but I’m hoping that my newfound appreciation for the power of the Resurrection will be the catalyst to make that change at last. The Resurrection, arguably the greatest miracle that Jesus has ever performed, demonstrates that Christ can do ANYTHING, even overcome the finality of death. If Jesus, one of the three consubstantial persons of God, rose from the dead, then surely there is nothing God cannot do! No matter what is happening in my life, no matter how much I’m struggling, God can get me through it. One of my biggest weaknesses of faith is that I so often forget this. All too often, I try to go it alone, and naturally, I feel overwhelmed. The Resurrection is a reminder that I should trust in God and lean on Him for support and guidance, because God is fully capable of bringing me comfort. Comforting me is nothing compared to rising from the dead!
This Easter, I am humbled by the realization that, every time I fail to call on God for help in times of distress, I demonstrate a lack of faith in the Resurrection and all that it represents. I may not be able to see what my life will look like in the future, or whether everything will be okay. But God’s foresight is infinite. Where my imagination is limited or even blank, God sees endless possibilities. God knows my potential and my capabilities, far better than I ever will. I may not be able to envision that everything will be okay, but God can. And that’s what I need to put my faith in.
In conclusion, when we find ourselves leaning toward doubt, we should rest in the confidence that God can and will provide – because we SHOULD feel confident. In fact, we should feel practically limitless, “for nothing will be impossible with God.” We see this in the conception of Christ, we see this through the miracles Christ performed in His lifetime, and we see it most unmistakably in Christ’s Resurrection. Whenever we feel like we aren’t capable of handling whatever life throws at us, we must remember that we are not, nor are we ever, alone. We have an awesome God to depend on; to send us wisdom and comfort; to provide blessings to balance out the struggles. And every year, we have the Easter holiday to remind us that our Savior is limited by no one and nothing, not even death.
Alleluia! Christ is risen, indeed.