I Prayed

I Prayed

By Joel Duncan

Word Count: 377

Rating: PG for themes of despair

Summary: A poem of how God raised up the speaker from the darkest depths

Lord I prayed for death.
In my darkest moments my breath
felt heavy as if elephants had used
my chest as a place of rest.
I never wanted to experience
that heartbreak again.
That stabbing pain inside my brain,
slicing veins, driving me insane.

Then You did kill me like I asked
and from this world You set me free.
Not the way I imagined it to be,
I went through the holy waters and I
emerged a new me.
Spiritually, physically, emotionally.

God I prayed for a purpose.
I felt like an idiot in the circus
craving attention but the only
thing I received in return was
tension.

You knew my true calling all along,
I was looking at this all wrong.
I’d been too focused on putting my mask
on I’d forget to ask You which was my real one.
Where had my faith gone?

Jesus You showed me my gift
not much later.
You guided me as I put my
pen to paper.
I thought my poems gave advice
for how other people should
live their lives.
But all the time it was just You
showing me what lessons I needed
to learn in mine.

I prayed for friends –
no, not the drink to the night ends
kind of friends.
I wanted a friend that would spend
time with me because they wanted
to be there.
I longed for a friendship that’s rare.

Guess what?
The Father provided me with that too.
Offered me the company of word.
Now thanks to Your love so many
people have listened to me and actually heard,
in the way we hear the gentle chirp
of the morning bird.

We’re all connected.
Never again do we have to
reject the reason we’re here on this earth.
Time to accept it.
We either love God now
or we’ll learn to.
Once you actually experience Him
He will set a fire in your heart
which is all the evidence
you’ll need to turn to.
It’s just enough to feel the heat
but He will never let it burn you.

When we feel the Holy Spirit in every bone.
That is when we know we are truly home.

Original Poetry