My Dear Jester,
Well done, my diabolical employee, well done. I’m really at a loss for words when I look at the record of awesome sins that your patient has racked up; the best and, of course, most important, one being when he stood before the Enemy and denied that He was who He claims to be. You have to be really full of yourself or just really stupid to stand in front of Him and say that to His face.
I mean really, I was just elated when I heard your patient curse His name and position. Do you suppose that your varmint really knows the consequences of rejecting the Enemy’s offer of supposed mercy? Well, for my sake, he better not.
I mean sure, I don’t have to worry about not believing all the lies that are told about Him, but those pitifully stupid little varmints don’t stand a chance against His terrible wrath. That’s why it’s so much fun to watch a pompous blowhard like your patient. I’m just certain to get a tasty meal out of him.
Of course, I suppose that you think that you’re due some sort of kickback now, don’t you? Well, I’m not in the habit of giving out freebies but you’re obviously made of a much higher caliber material than what I’m used to dealing with down here so a promotion just might be in order.
You know the old saying, don’t you? To those who I can entrust a little, they will be given more and more.
Oh my me, you’ve done an impressive job. Despite all the odds against you and all the tense moments, where a lesser demon might have slacked off, I can practically hear your patient sizzling in my ovens. I can practically hear his delightful screams of perpetual torment.
You know, it would also be pretty funny if, once I’ve gotten him down here, your patient asked me or one of my lowdown dirty employees to go up and inform all his relations about the misunderstanding that my side has been perpetuating regarding the Enemy’s character and desires. Seriously? If the Enemy Himself can’t get your varmint to repent and accept His self-described status of savior then why in my country would I help out?
Oh my me, it’s enough to make me laugh.
But now let me backup a bit and detail your solid showmanship. Of course, I’m not doing this for your benefit because I know you’re nothing but a worthless moron. I’m doing it so I can revel in my glorious victory over the Enemy.
At any rate, you did a sensational job when your patient visited the Enemy’s chosen country and hid his awesome abominable character from those four awful Human varmints who rule there. It was great to see that hot older Female ruler fall for your patient’s smooth deceptiveness. I’m telling you, only I could have done a better job. It’s just too bad that your patient couldn’t keep up the act once he’d come back to that capitol city that’s named after me but, as usual, all lousy varmints are dust and they’re just too stupid to not get tripped up by their own lies eventually.
The Enemy tries time and again to warn the foolish vermin about this weakness that they have, but my side has been able to counter Him by encouraging the vermin to feel indestructible. Why, after all, would they need Him, if nothing is going to happen to them anyway?
Fortunately, I don’t share their weakness problem. No one will ever punish me for my opposition to the Enemy.
At any rate, it’s too bad that the ravishing older Female ruler brought that younger Male ruler along when she came to visit your patient in that capitol city that’s named after me. That wretched dirtbag younger Male ruler has become much too discerning under the Enemy’s tutelage. He sniffed out your patient’s plans for that sensuous older Female ruler and then he proceeded to calmly and coolly concocted a plan to take her out of his reach.
I’m telling you, that younger Male ruler is not nearly as promising as I thought he’d be when he first came to the Enemy’s chosen country, when he was nothing but a little brat. That just goes to show you how important it is to win over the vermin when they are young. The Enemy and I have had many great battles over the young vermin in each generation and we will, no doubt, continue to do so until this terrible world ends.
Oh my me, it was so much fun to watch your patient stare at that gorgeous older Female ruler because I could just see the lewd thoughts spinning around in his brain. His haughty eyes, and, of course, his proud heart are like an unplowed field, just waiting to be planted with the things that I like.
It’s just regretful that he couldn’t add one more nice big stain to his record by capturing that stunning older Female ruler, but, unfortunately, she had the Enemy’s ranks surrounding her and they protected her from the plans that I had for her.
It’s just that things were going so well for my side where your patient was concerned. With all that success, I was thinking that I might get lucky and finally make some headway in the Enemy’s chosen country by subjugating one of His best varmints to the whims of a ruler, or in this case, future ruler from the country that likes me more than Himself.
It’s awfully hard for a varmint to ignore the whims of someone who they’re with almost all the time. If your patient had that hot older Female ruler living with him, she could probably be convinced to make allowances for some of his demands, even if they go against what the Enemy likes.
But let me get back to a more delightful subject; that is, your patient’s utter rejection of the Enemy. You just can’t imagine how gleeful I felt when I saw him stand up to the Enemy’s threats about loving Him and doing His work. You can never let your guard down when He tries to install a varmint in His camp. He is, unfortunately, capable of and already taken, the most extreme measures to reconcile the prerequisites for entry into His ranks with the qualifications of any low-life varmint, even if that varmint is as delightfully foul as yours is. Oh, I’m so glad that I didn’t have to witness or even imagine what might have happened if your patient had been willing to accept the Enemy’s so-called mercy.
I’m telling you, with all the recent failings of your shoddy colleagues, I was awfully concerned that you’d blow it at the last minute and your patient would ask the Enemy what He wanted him to do but you kept your quaking talons under control in front of Him and, as a result, I’ll soon have your patient’s greasy hide on my table.
Now, that, my fine employee, is what I call justice.
But, on to another matter. While your patient is in his current ridiculously compromising position, he can’t really cause much damage to my side because the Enemy took away his voice by making him a dumb beast. So, guess what? I have a special errand for you.
I’m sure you were aware that your bumbling colleagues, Placebo and Poliomy, and, more importantly, their patients were in the room with you and your patient and those other Males when they made their plans to invade the Enemy’s chosen country and that southern country that He loves.
Well, get this. Unfortunately, with Placebo’s patient’s help Poliomy’s patient deserted my ranks and I’m absolutely livid. In fact, I think it’s high-time for a little revenge. After all, I’ve been wronged, haven’t I? It’s only proper that I should avenge this affront to my authority, isn’t it? Of course, it is.
For that reason, I would like you to slither or fly about the capitol city that’s named after me and see if you might find a varmint who would be receptive to the curious suggestion of how their future leader came to be a dumb beast without a voice.
If some varmint could possibly pin Placebo’s patient with this crime then it will really help your foolish colleague out. He is in danger of a big slide and I’d much rather eat his patient along with yours rather than just yours. Call me greedy, because I am.
Now, isn’t that a fitting reward for one as capable as you are? I can’t think of any better way to show you my favoritism than by giving you this little reward while your patient is compromised. I hope you weren’t thinking that you’d get a break. After all, the Enemy doesn’t take any time off so why should you?
Of course, since this assignment is only a temporary gig, I want you to be aware of something.
It has come to my attention, though some of your more unmentionable colleagues, that due to your recent phenomenal success you’ve begun to think of yourself as lower on the Lowerarchy than you really are.
So let me make one thing very clear, you worthless little maggot. If you even consider the idea that you’re on my level, then you aren’t any better than any other imbecilic fiend who crosses the graduation stage at Temptation University.
I can only conclude that your ambitious thoughts could one day turn into open rebellion within my ranks and, I warn you, I won’t put up with it. May my bolt fall from above and obliterate you if you don’t completely submit to my will and worship me.
In fact, just because I’m all-powerful and have the authority to do so, I’m going to teach you a lesson right now. Don’t even think about that promotion that I practically promised you. Why in my country would I promote a little fiend with rebellious thoughts swirling in his head?
But, of course, don’t ever forget that you’re very special to me too and I want, more than anything else, to see you succeed. I’m sure that a smart little devil like yourself doesn’t need much help, but heck, you’re still a foolish moron and I’m me, so don’t hesitate to ask questions when you need me.
The Splendid, Merciless, Murderous, One and Only,
Tash
(all honor and glory to me)
Author’s Notes: I chose Jester for Rabadash’s demon because medieval court jesters performed for the royal family and their guests as a form of entertainment. In the same way, Rabadash’s actions at the end of The Horse and His Boy prove to be highly entertaining for the royal council that had convened.
Also, court jesters are generally associated with clowns and don’t you think that Pauline Baynes’ illustrations of the Tisroc and Rabadash make them look like clowns? And doesn’t Rabadash the Ridiculous sound like a clown name?
As I wrote this chapter, I started to see Rabadash’s encounter with Aslan as a Narnian version of a Road to Damascus encounter as opposed to a Final Judgement encounter. Of course, Rabadash eventually has that final judgement meeting and I think it’s safe to assume that he doesn’t change.
As readers, we have a “the bad guy is always doomed” mentality so by the time we get to Rabadash’s “Road to Damascus” opportunity, we sort of assume that Aslan has done everything that needs doing for a happy ending because he has appeared to all the characters that we want to get saved. But doesn’t the Lion save His boldest most dramatic appearance for the one character we all love to hate?
Bible verses: Matt. 25:14-30; Luke 16:19-31; Psalm 103:14-18; 1 Peter 1:24-2:3; 1 John 1:8-10; Prov. 22:6; Matt. 10:16; Prov. 21:4, 6:16-19; Gal. 5:19-21; 1 Tim. 6:3-5; 1 John 3:7-10; Luke 22:33-34, 54-60; John 15:13-17, 18:15-27, 20:19-29; 21:4-19; Rom. 6:10; 1 Peter 3:18; Acts 9:4-6; James 2:19; Deut. 32:35; Rom. 12:19; Heb. 10:30-31; James 2:9; Psalm 121:3-4; Rom. 12:3-5; 1 Cor. 12:15-20