My Dear Quisling,
Is the report I just received correct? I really don’t understand how it could be because I’ve spent the last millennia and a few centuries grooming the vermin in the Enemy’s chosen country to think and behave how I’d like them too and I know that you—begin a smart, capable, diligent little demon—would never be so careless as to let all my hard work go to waste.
Of course, I expect verification. I want to see results.
You understand, don’t you? After all, even with all the productivity that my side has seen during the past centuries, I still can’t let my guard down. The Enemy has been searching for a way to disrupt my great plans for His awful world ever since I set them into motion.
I’m telling you, it has been so satisfying to watch your colleagues successfully exploit this new modern era by suggesting that the dynastic regime of vermin who don’t acknowledge the Enemy yet, delightfully, rule His chosen country should pass laws, decrees, and form cultural biases that make it taboo or illegal to talk about Him or with Him.
Of course, right about the time that I should be gorging on the fruits of my labor, I find myself having to remind an imbecile like yourself to not get lulled into a false sense of security. After all, that is just what the Enemy is banking on. Well, let me tell you, I’ve infiltrated too many of the government and civil institutions in His chosen country to have some worthless moron in my Lowerarchy waste all of my effort.
Naturally, this brings me back to the disturbing rumors that I’ve heard about your patient locating the most terrible weapon that the Enemy ever gave His side. Don’t try to deny knowledge about this indiscretion; after all, you know how much I loathe a liar and I know that you’re not dumb enough to displease me.
So, tell me, how is it that your patient slipped away from you long enough to find this hideous weapon and how is it that you didn’t prevent him from passing it on to your colleague, Pavo’s patient?
Haven’t you heard about the rumors of unmitigated disaster for my side that are associated with this weapon? I mean really, there are terrible rumors about the Enemy’s self-proclaimed ability to usher in a new era of His favor if the vermin in His camp use this weapon.
Well, don’t you believe them. My position is as secure as it always has been in the Enemy’s chosen country. I’m in no danger of being kicked out.
You know, I couldn’t be more livid that you let this happen. I’ve sent employee after employee to find this terrible weapon and destroy it before something like this happened but all of them failed—as usual. Then, seemingly out of the blue, a report comes across my desk that states that one of my most hapless employee’s patient found the weapon in question because said employee—that’s you—was too worthless to stop him.
Didn’t you know that the weapon that your patient found and passed on to your colleague’s patient is one that will allow the Enemy and His ranks to communicate directly with one another? Didn’t you know that this weapon even translates the vermin’s gibberish so that the Enemy knows what they mean, even if they don’t? Didn’t you know that with this weapon in hand or paw the vermin will be able to relearn all that long-forgotten hearsay about what the Enemy supposedly did a long time ago and how He can help them today?
You know, I don’t know for sure—because I don’t care enough about you to bother finding out—but I bet that you were asleep or just skipped your history classes at Temptation University because if you’d been paying attention you might have been able to stop your assignment from unraveling. Didn’t you know that the weapon that your patient found and passed along is the very same one that helped the Enemy’s ranks undermine the work of my imbecilic employees many centuries ago?
I mean really, that’s what you get when you have an Enemy who doesn’t change with the times. He just uses the same old tactics in every new era to twist my words and attempt to ruin my plans. I’m telling you, if my employees weren’t so stupid then it would be easy to defeat Him since He isn’t very creative.
Say, did you happen to hear the lecture that your esteemed History professor gave about the day that one of the Enemy’s minions gave the weapon that your patient found to that ravishing older Female Human ruler from another world who used to rule His chosen country with her terrible relations?
I’d bet that you didn’t hear that lecture because you’re a brilliant little demon who wouldn’t be stupid enough to get caught attending his classes.
Well, let me tell you, I’m ecstatic that those four terrible Human varmints from another world haven’t come back and I really doubt that they will. Whenever the Enemy has brought in Human vermin from another world to mess up my great plans, they’ve never been the same ones that He brought in before.
But, I’ve digressed, so let me get back to the point of this letter. How could you let this happen? Don’t you know that when the Enemy starts communicating with His ranks, His goal is to monopolize all their time and attitudes? The more regularly a varmint uses the weapon that your patient found and passed along to communicate with Him the more difficulty my side has with them. I mean really, didn’t you learn that no varmint can serve two masters in your Logic class at Temptation University?
You know, if I were handling your patient’s case, he would be well on his way to my dinner table by now. Why didn’t you use the tactic of Fear to waylay him? Surely, you knew that, your colleague, Fratri’s patient gave your patient very specific instructions for keeping his employment and status so Fear is the most obvious tactic that would work very well. Are you really so worthless that your patient was willing to endure many terrors from Fratri’s patient’s administration and even parish in order to communicate with the Enemy and teach Pavo’s patient to do the same? I’m telling you, if I was working with your patient instead of enjoying all the perks of my low position, he would have undoubtedly kept his head down and his mouth shut like I wanted him too.
Why didn’t you use the tactic of Indifference when it comes to how your patient feels about his suffering compatriots? I mean sure, the native inhabitants of the Enemy’s chosen country are living under extreme duress while your patient works at his nice cozy little job in Fratri’s patient’s administration, as Pavo’s patient’s tutor, but why should your patient care about the rabble? What business is it of his? Unfortunately, the Enemy has always claimed to have other ways in which He could deliver His ranks from my talons, so why should your patient be the one to risk his life?
Why didn’t you use the tactic of Doubting the Enemy? That should have been the greatest weapon in your arsenal because of the delightfully despairing times that your patient lives in. Haven’t the Enemy’s ranks been crushed, persecuted, and killed in every way for a very long time? Of course, they have. So, isn’t there only one logical conclusion? Obviously, the Enemy doesn’t care about the vermin in His camp or, even better, He is powerless to help them.
So, how could you allow your patient to get the idea that he could trust Him? How did he come to believe that His weapon will work? After all, the Enemy has been absent for a very long time so how could your varmint possibly think that He has His ranks’ best interest in mind unless you simply got lazy?
He certainly doesn’t have my best interests in mind.
And what about the tactic of Bitterness? I really enjoy watching Bitterness come to fruition because it generally takes a long time to ripen and I get years and years of laughter out of it. I’m telling you, you should have used your patient’s interest in history to suggest that he pine for the horrible old days of superstitious Enemy-dependence and be disgusted and dissatisfied with his life among varmints who don’t acknowledge the Enemy’s existence.
Of course, I see that you attempted to use the tactic of Bitterness, but you completely bungled it. Instead of making your patient feel depressed and hopeless, like a proper rendering of the tactic would have done, you allowed him to be galvanized into action to return to those terrible old-fashioned days of reliance on the Enemy.
And that, you imbecile, is why your patient sought out that hideous ancient, but unfortunately still very applicable, weapon that he found and passed on to Pavo’s patient.
I mean really, how could you be so stupid?
Now, just one more thing before I sign off. I really can’t help but to remind you of the fact that your record is absolutely shameful for a little demon who watches over a varmint in a teaching position. Don’t you know that since your patient watches over and instructs a younger varmint, it must be on your head if either your patient or your colleague’s patient fails to end up on my dinner platters? Didn’t you know that you’re responsible? Didn’t you know that?
I bet that you didn’t know that because you’re as worthless a cretin as I ever gave a diploma too.
You know, whenever I compare your work with Fratri’s work, I feel like exploding with rage. Unlike you, Fratri has done a marvelous job of convincing his patient that his house doesn’t need to be built by Enemy’s specific instructions. By comparison, due your lousy work, Pavo’s patient continues in his superstitious beliefs about leading his own family to believe in the Enemy.
I mean seriously, because of your atrocious work, Pavo’s patient has the hideous idea that the Enemy should watch over His own chosen country instead of me. I’m telling you, Fratri has done a brilliant job of keeping that terrible idea out of his patient’s head. Because of Fratri’s work, no military in this horrible world could ever keep me from infiltrating the Enemy’s chosen country as long as his patient is in charge.
I just crack up when a varmint thinks that their own strength can keep me out. I mean really, what a joke.
So why didn’t you follow your colleague’s lead? I mean seriously, the possibility of Pavo’s patient’s leadership makes me livid with rage and you can be sure that I’ll be writing to both he and Fratri about my plans to prevent that scenario from happening.
Of course, it would be much simpler for me if you’d taken care of business on your own because then I wouldn’t have to write as many letters to avert the possibility of impending disaster that you created and I wouldn’t have to write to you to correct your mistakes.
On the other hand, did you know that I’m always willing to communicate with my worthless employees whenever they need my awesome assistance? After all, I’m not like the Enemy, who remains silent while His ranks cry out for His help year after year and, even better, I’ll always tell you what you want to hear.
Of course, right now, I’m sick and tired of telling you about all the things that you’ve done wrong and about how you’re such a moron. I mean really, do you suppose that I have endless patience? Do you actually think that I care if you succeed?
I’m telling you, it’s only because I care about you so much that I’m willing to put up with all the headaches that you’ve given me. Well, that and the fact that I want to have a complete record of your stupidity written out for the dinner party that I’m inviting you too. Now, pardon me, I must get my ovens ready. Your patient is old so I’m sure that you’ll be coming down soon.
The Loathsome, Frightening, Power-Hungry,
Tash
(all honor and glory to me)
Author’s Notes: Once again, a new closing salutation for a new Narnian Era. I’ll use this one throughout the reign of Caspian X (Prince Caspian, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and the Silver Chair).
Fratri is Miraz’s demon and Pavo paired with Caspian.
Susan’s Horn plays a significant role in this chapter because I think Dr. Cornelius’ finding it is his most significant contribution. I picture him looking out over his homeland and desperately wanting to return to the Golden Age of yesteryear. As he begins plotting a way to return to that era, he discovers that the first step to be taken should be prayer (which is what the Horn represents). He realizes that whatever the second, third, and fourth steps are, they would be useless if the first step wasn’t prayer. Thus the Horn has to be found before the Pevensies can return (the prayer has to be offered up before the answer is received).
I think Dr. Cornelius is a mix of a Caspian era Tumnus and the Beavers. Like Tumnus, he goes against the specific instructions of the evil regime that he “works” for in hopes of bringing a better future to Narnia and suffer the consequences for their actions. Yes, Tumnus is martyred while Dr. Cornelius is not, but I don’t think that anyone would disagree that he would have been killed if Miraz had ever gotten around to it.
Also, like the Beavers, it doesn’t appear that Dr. Cornelius ever met Aslan but he believes that He is who He says He is and he mentors the future leader, who also knows next to nothing about Aslan, and teaches him to pray.
I also think that he is a Queen Esther type figure because he lives in the palace, is of a different nationality than the ruling Telmarines, and has to hide that fact in order to get his job.
This brings me to my demon name, Quisling. He is named for Vidkun Quisling, a Norwegian politician during WWII. He held various government positions during the interwar years and helped form a national-socialist party in Norway that was structured similarly too and sympathetic with the German Nazi party. When Germany invaded Norway in 1940, Quisling was the first person in history to announce a coup during a news broadcast after the Norwegian King, Haakon VII, was forced to flee. Given that his party held Nazi sympathies, Quisling hoped to be given a high position in the new Nazi government. He was named Minister President (as opposed to Prime Minister) in 1942 because it was thought that having a Norwegian in a high position would help pacify the general population. For his collaboration with the enemy government, Quisling was executed by firing squad in 1945 and has become one of WWII’s most infamous traitors. Similarly, I think Tash would have wanted Dr. Cornelius to collaborate with Miraz’s government instead of teaching Caspian about Aslan and the “old” way of doing things.
Bible verses: Jdg. 21:25; Luke 21:34-35; John 8:44; 2 Chron. 7:14; Isa. 61:1-4; Luke 4:17-21; Psalm 145:18; Prov. 15:29; Phil. 4:6; Rom. 8:26-27; Matt. 26:26-28; Mark 14:22-24; Luke 22:19-20; Rom. 6:8-11; Heb. 9:15; Matt. 10:29-30; Luke 12:6-7; Heb. 13:8; 1 Cor. 2:9; 2 Cor. 10:5; Matt. 6:24; Luke 16:13; Est. 4:12-16; 2 Cor. 4:8-9; Psalm 121:1-2; Eph. 3:20; John 16:33; Eph. 3:17-19; Matt. 18:6; Luke 17:2-3; Psalm 127:1; Matt. 7:24-27; 2 Cor. 12:9-10