My dear Fratri,
Well done, my little protege, well done. Unlike so many of your worthless colleagues, you’ve managed to bring a very delectable meal down to my dinner table and now I get to gorge on him. I’m very glad that you successfully completed your assignment because your patient has been marinating in the great vices of superstition, hate, greed, envy and, most importantly, unbelief in the Enemy for a very long time so I would’ve exploded with rage if you hadn’t been able to cross the finish line with his wretched rotten soul in tow.
Fortunately for you and, more importantly, me, the Enemy’s recent interference in his life was rather benign and it came far too late in the game so your patient didn’t recognize His work.
I wonder if the Enemy thought that if your patient was forced to acknowledge the reality of his existence after those two horrid Males from another world who used to rule His chosen country and have recently returned with their two Female relations returned fought against him and his delicious looking army.
If so, your varmint’s soul will taste much tastier because I’ve obviously pulled one of the greatest coups ever against His power.
I’m telling you, if I hadn’t forwarded that Current Event Department memo about the Enemy being on the move and His demolition of that great school where they taught about things that I like, then your patient might have lingered long enough to met Him and then my next meal wouldn’t be in the oven as I write.
Naturally, that would have made me explode with rage.
But, of course, I don’t want to dwell on that awful idea, especially since it didn’t happen. I would much rather dwell on my hitherto great success at controlling the Enemy’s chosen country for over a millenia.
Say, since you’ve just finished off some decent workmanship and your succulent patient is still screaming and writhing in my hottest oven, why don’t I give you a little review of my success? Wouldn’t you like to know how I turned the event that the Enemy and the vermin in His camp claim as His so-called greatest success into my own smashing victory?
I’m telling you, I still remember those great productive early days. The Enemy had suddenly and arbitrarily kicked out those four hideous Human varmints from another world who used to rule His chosen country and have recently returned and I took control by using your patient’s gullible ancestors.
Naturally, I’m only taking all the credit because I had successfully coaxed His ranks into growing quite lazy during the time of great prosperity and supposed peace that was initiated by those four meddlesome Human varmints from another world who once ruled His chosen country and have recently returned. I’m telling you, those awful Humans never forgot to tell everyone who crossed their path about the Enemy’s old-fashioned lines and they constantly lied about His actions that they supposedly witnessed a long time ago so I was very energized when they left.
I had a terrible time when they were here because, unfortunately, many varmints believed them and joined the Enemy’s ranks.
Well, anyway, once those four maniacs were out of the picture, I worked quickly to reestablish myself in the Enemy’s chosen country. Naturally, my first efforts were concentrated against the youngest varmints because, regardless of what the Enemy says about those brats being closest to His own country, they usually prove to be quite susceptible to my great cunning lies.
By using some of your most skilled ancient colleagues, I encouraged the young vermin to concentrate on their own busy schedules and their own particular desires and just enjoy all the things that the older generation provided for them without focusing too much time on things like learning the Enemy’s out-dated lines and putting their elders so-called wisdom to practical use, or taking so-called pleasure in His provision and talking to Him incessantly, or being wary around vermin who express negative viewpoints about the Enemy, or just trying to become more like Him.
Of course, I could have started off by suggesting that they do something grandiose and shocking like killing some other varmint, flippant consent to their breeding urges, or breaking any of the other unrealistically stringent laws that the Enemy has saddled them with. However, starting off with really great suggestions like that can be more complicated in a country that claims to be in the Enemy’s service. When working amongst His ranks, it’s more productive to ease them into awesome depravity slowly, with as little molestation to their sensibilities as possible.
After all, it has never been my intention to harm anyone.
Now, because I’m confident that you’re a smart, capable little demon, I bet that you’ve already realized that it wasn’t very long before the vermin in the Enemy’s chosen country were more focused on themselves than the Enemy. Oh sure, from time to time, there were a few annoying varmints who badgered their compatriots about their lazy selfish lifestyles but, thanks to my incredible efforts, they were simply decried as old prudes and babblers.
Now, here’s where the fun starts. I bet that you’re thinking that your patient’s most lauded ancestor won a great military battle over the Enemy’s distracted ranks and forced them to submit to his superior will.
But, guess what, you buffoon? You’re utterly wrong. Obviously, I’m clearly much more crafty than you.
You see, I know all about how the Enemy set up His chosen country to be run by His own laws and how that dreadful little nation would fall apart if His established rules aren’t followed, so, naturally, I suggested many ideas so that your patient’s succulent ancestor could utilize the correct propaganda and effectively bring the Enemy’s chosen country under my control.
Now, by correct propaganda, I mean that I suggested that he emphasize the fact that he is, as per the Enemy’s requirement for leadership of His chosen country, a Human. At the same time, I suggested that he not mention anything that would conflict with the Enemy’s lording will. You know what I mean, don’t you? I didn’t want him to talk about the fact that he didn’t acknowledge the Enemy or the Enemy’s covenant with His chosen country.
My reason for not encouraging a military battle was because fighting and violence have been very taboo in this great productive era and, besides, it wasn’t even necessary. Because of the great groundwork of moral depravity that I’d laid down in His chosen country, there was barely a whisper of protest when your delectable patient’s awesome ancestor walked in and, quite reasonably, declared that he was the Enemy’s next chosen leader for His chosen country.
Isn’t that hilarious? I mean really, if the vermin in the Enemy’s chosen country hadn’t been filling their days with lazy debauchery, then they might have caught on to the inconsistencies between that varmint’s speeches and his delightfully sordid lifestyle.
It’s just unfortunate that the terrible ruler in the southern country that the Enemy loves picked up on those inconsistencies because I’m sure that I could have won the battle for that tiny backwards nation if your ancient colleague had done his job. I have long suspected that, right under his worthless nose, his varmint carried on a clandestine relationship with Enemy and, unfortunately, encouraged the other vermin in the southern country that the Enemy loves to have a relationship with Him as well.
I’m telling you, I’m positively livid that such misplaced faithfulness still resides in the varmint who rules the southern country that the He loves because the current leader could help your colleague, Pavo’s patient, and now that punk has a shot at taking over the leadership responsibilities for the Enemy’s chosen country.
You can be sure that I’ll write to your colleague and tell him to not neglect that disturbing possibility because that very disastrous thing happened a long time ago, when those four terrible Human varmints from another world ruled here.
But I digress, so let me continue with my enthralling story. Once I had a more malleable Human in the leadership position and the Enemy’s ranks had withered into lazy selfish morons, I knew that I had it made. I was just certain that I could get away with anything that I wanted to do. Of course, being the brilliant Devil that I am, I understood that subtly was still the best way to achieve my goal of one day sitting on His throne.
Accordingly, my first suggestion was that your patient’s great-tasting ancestor pretend to be a member of the Enemy’s camp by paying lip-service to Him and attending to all the various rituals, festivals, and holidays that His ranks use to honor Him.
Naturally, I had a suggestion ready for whenever some snot-nosed little punk got it into their head to question him about the inconsistencies that are bound to pop up when a varmint falsely claims to be a member of the Enemy’s camp. I suggested that he say that he wasn’t always completely sure about the Enemy’s stories but that his opinion was evolving every day. I also suggested that he sharply remind any snot-nosed little punk who dares to question him that the Enemy Himself tells His ranks to be patient with new believers.
Well, after your patient’s great ancestors lived a double life for some generations, I progressed to the suggestion that he promote the idea that it would be acceptable for himself, as the leader of the Enemy’s chosen country, and any other really enlightened varmints who wanted to follow him, to not bother about paying homage to the Enemy in everything they did.
Of course, the worthless uneducated masses would still be allowed to pay Him homage, but why should the really smart vermin, who know that He is nothing but a fraud, have to put up with Him in their daily lives? I mean, haven’t the well-educated vermin evolved to the point of not needing Him to lead them down the dark path that is their worthless lives?
This particular phase of my plan was greatly facilitated by the false sense of security that the vermin in the Enemy’s camp had been lulled into by having a Human, as per the Enemy’s own requirement for leadership in His chosen country, in charge.
I still get a huge kick about how I used their great Fear about having another leader like my old friend against them.
Of course, you must understand, even though my plan to take over the Enemy’s throne was progressing forward each and every day, I still couldn’t take a break. After all, He never takes breaks. In fact, I bet that you’d like me to tell you how He tried to thwart my great leap forward? It was really funny because nothing that He tried was ever successful.
For instance, unfortunately, my suggestion that your patient’s renowned and tasty ancestors be allowed to stop honoring the Enemy caused quite a bit of discontent amongst His unreasonable and very prudish ranks.
I never understood why they got so up in arms about the changes that I suggested. After all, there are so many different opinions about the Enemy’s existence—like about His character and personality, and what exactly pleases Him, and how to get into His own awful Country—that I don’t see what the big deal is if some varmint adds the opinion that He is simply a myth conjured up by the superstitious rabble to make themselves feel better about their own worthlessness. Why should His ranks’ opinion be called truth based on fact and everyone else’s opinion be nothing but a bunch of misunderstandings and lies?
I mean, doesn’t each varmint get to judge for themselves what is supposedly good and right and just and true? Who judges them if not themselves? I’ve certainly never been asked to judge.
Of course, that has never stopped me from passing judgment.
Well, anyways, to quell the unfortunate rebellion that brewed against my authority, I suggested that your patient’s esteemed ancestors begin removing the Enemy’s ranks, and by extension, Himself, from public life. Naturally, subtlety was still my game so I didn’t say that His ranks couldn’t go on living in His chosen country.
Obviously, His chosen country is a free nation and I’m not at all interested in taking away His vermins’ life, liberty, or happiness.
But why should foreigners like your patient’s tasty ancestors have to be subjected to the prudish viewpoints and wild superstitions that His ranks espouse? I think that my segregation suggestion created a much better way of life for everyone in the Enemy’s chosen country, whether they were on His side or witlessly helping me, because I can roam around with much greater freedom when there is no one around to point out my lurking presence.
After all, if the Enemy and His ranks are banished to the forests and beaches and no one else goes there, how will any foolish varmint pick up on the scratches that my talons make all over their government and civil society?
Don’t you think that my suggestion is a fair arrangement? The Enemy can have his sphere of influence and I can have mine. Naturally, they must be separate, but they are entirely equal.
Well, do you know what happened after I coerced all of His ranks into hiding? It’s one of the most hilarious parts of my story and I’m sure that you can’t wait to hear it, so here it is. No sooner had I convinced your patient’s moronic ancestors to expel the vermin in the Enemy’s camp from public view, then many of His ranks actually wanted to come back into society, even if it meant giving Him up. Isn’t that great? I still get giddy when I think about it.
Oh, to be sure, their were some stupid ones who tried to lead double lives, worshiping Him in the privacy of their own homes then disowning Him by their actions in public, but I stayed on top of that and there was many a great beating, defiling, enslaving, and killings done during my great purges so that His despicable ranks learned that they could not serve two masters.
I don’t think that I’ve ever seen so many varmints in the Enemy’s camp decide to cut corners when they wanted to be seen honoring Him or interpreting His covenant to suit their own purposes as I did after I suggested that His ranks be banned from public life.
I’m telling you, it is His rank’s willingness to compromise on His covenant with them that has made this era so productive for my side. Sometimes it’s just amazing to work against such a rigid Enemy. He just refuses to give the vermin any allowances for situations that are clearly beyond their control, even though He claims to remember what He made them out of.
But, oh my me, that’s why the last few days have been so infuriating and many fireballs have exploded from my mouth. The Enemy’s reappearance could, if my moronic employees don’t start doing some spectacular work, reestablish the unfortunate authority that His covenant as historically had within His ranks.
Mark my words, I’ve spent far too much of my own precious time to have my incredible dystopia torn asunder.
Of course, I’m not saying that this inconvenient situation has anything to do with your own tremendous performance. You’ve done everything that I ever asked you to do and more. Naturally, all the fault lies with your worthless imbecilic colleagues. Clearly, it’s Ream, Quisling, Pavo, Pyrrho, and Oxiana who botched their assignment, lost control of their patients, and let you and, more importantly, me down.
I’m telling you, if I ever forgive anyone, it wouldn’t be them.
But be assured, as I’ve just stated, I promise to never lay a talon on your worthless hide because of their clumsiness.
Of course, as it happens, my position at the bottom of my Lowerarchy dictates that I must always hold something against you and, naturally, it didn’t take me long to find many excuses. After all, I pathologically look for excuses to destroy all my employees.
Let me start by asking you a few questions.
Didn’t I tell you to suggest that your patient dispose of Quisling’s old varmint, before he got too close to Pavo’s inquisitive and fanciful little brat? What stopped you from carrying out this important order? You followed directions well enough when I wanted that old Female gone. Why did you have a problem the second time that I wanted a varmint to disappear? Did you stupidly suppose that some varmint might actually be offended by that old half-breed’s permanent disappearance and start an investigation into your gullible patient’s great crimes?
And didn’t I suggest that your patient kill Pavo’s patient for insubordination when he kept telling those ridiculous old wives-tales about the Enemy and those four awful Human varmints from another world who used to rule here and have recently returned? I mean, so what if your patient had no little brat of his own for my side to groom until just recently? Didn’t I send you daily reminders that he was a lusty breeder of Females? Wasn’t it almost a foregone conclusion that he would probably have a little brat for my side to groom before he came down to my country? Why did you panic?
Did you think that I would be angry? Well, congratulations, you worthless moron. Now, I’m livid.
And finally, didn’t I suggest that your patient dispose of Pyrrho’s patient immediately and publicly instead of having him hauled off through the forest and down to the coast, where the Enemy has always been known to infiltrate from? I mean, who cares if that varmint’s execution is shocking and, perhaps, offensive to the general public. Sometimes the rabble just doesn’t understand that I’m always working for their own good.
Oh my me, now, thanks to everything that you didn’t do, the Enemy has judged the thoughts and attitudes of everyone in His chosen country and, unfortunately, what He has to say is sharper than the double-edged sword that sent your patient down to my dinner table.
Well, I’m done with you, you pathetic fool. Your patient has cooked long enough and now I’m going to have a quick snack before I watch the battle that is unfolding as I write. With any luck, I’ll have many more souls to eat before very long.
The Loathsome, Frightening, Power-Hungry,
Tash
(all honor and glory to me)
Author’s Notes: I thought that since Miraz is our only look at a Telmarine’s regime, I’d take this opportunity to explore how Narnia could have possibly gone from the peace, prosperity, and, undoubtedly, close relationship with Aslan during the Pevensie’s Golden Age to the hate, fear, suspicion, and abandonment of the Lion’s covenant and the consequences thereof during Miraz’s reign.
Fratri got his name from Fratricide, or killing one’s own brother, which is what Miraz did to obtain Narnia’s throne.
A head of state is the most visible representation of a nation’s heart. If the person in power espouses support, either overtly or tacitly, for policies that discriminate or cause fear and hate, then the population, in general, will be influenced to their lead. On the other hand, if a leader espouses policies that reflect love, perseverance, and faith the citizenry will be influenced by that.
German pastor and theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945) once said that the church’s duty is to function as a moral accountability partner for the government. It’s the church’s (the people’s) duty to speak out against government policies that go against the faith. Of course, if a government suppresses the church, then it’s a very human thing for the people to keep their heads down and mouth shut and hope to just survive. On the other hand, if the government encourages the church to act on the principles that Jesus taught, then the society will be a vibrant healthy one.
I portrayed Caspian the Conqueror’s takeover as more akin to the Austrian Anschluss in 1938 than to a military battle in which Narnia is conquered with bloodshed.
Hitler’s stated goal for his Third Reich was to unite all German-speaking Europeans into one grand state. The idea of one huge German-speaking state had been toyed with in Austria and Germany since the 19th century, but never happened due to rivalries between their royal houses and various treaties with other European nations that were aimed at keeping any one country from becoming outrageously stronger than everyone else. That being said, when the Nazis marched unopposed into Austria, there would have been at least an uneasy historical sympathy with the idea of Anschluss, which means “union”.
Similarly, Narnia, a generation or so removed from the Pevensies’ sudden vanishing, could have had an uneasy historical sympathy with a Human coming in and saying that he was Aslan’s answer to all their problems. And if some of the “leading” Beasts objected to his rule, I’m sure that Caspian the Conqueror wouldn’t have minded a little closed-door saber rattling, just as Hitler bullied the Austrian Chancellor, Kurt von Schuschnigg.
As I toyed with ideas for this chapter, it also occurred to me that the Telmarine regimes are similar to the Communists regimes of the 20th century because of their militantly atheist government policies.
Bible verses: Matt. 25:14-30; 2 Tim. 4:7; Psalm 107:2; 1 Chr. 16:23-24; Matt. 28:18-20; Acts 1:8, 2:41-47; Matt. 18:3; Eph. 4:14; James 1:6; Deut. 6:10-12, 8:6-18; Josh. 1:8; 2 Tim. 3:16-17; 1 Thess. 5:16-18; 2 Cor. 6:14-7:1; Rom. 8:29, 12:2; Ex. 20:1-17; Matt. 7:12; Jdg. 21:25; Jer. 26:1-9; Acts 2:40; 1 Sam. 8:1-9; Col. 4:5-6, 3:23-24; Psalm 119:105, 121:3-4; John 14:6; Deut. 32:35; Rom. 12:19; Matt. 7:3-5, 6:24; Gen. 4:1-7; Rom. 5:6; Psalm 103:14; 2 Kings 23:1-3; Col. 3:13; Matt. 6:25-34; Phil. 4:6-7; Rom. 8:28; Heb. 4:12