My Dear Barb,
As you read this letter I want you to think about how difficult it was for me to write it without setting it on fire. I mean, did you really think that I wouldn’t notice how you totally botched all those years and years of tireless planning and scheming that I’ve put in right at the moment I was about to pull off the biggest coup that this shabby world has ever seen?
Well, let me just correct this little misunderstanding that you seem to have. Just because you were miles underground and you could tell that I was really enjoying the great show my new friend was putting on, it definitely does not mean that I didn’t notice how you fell asleep on the job.
Don’t ever forget, I am just as powerful as the Enemy Himself. He is always watching and so am I.
At any rate, I just have to say that it’s been a long time since I’ve witnessed the kind of gross incompetence that you’ve displayed. Oh my me, I just can’t believe that, in this enlightened age, I still have to chastise an employee for allowing his varmint to put his life on the line for some Humans he barely knows.
I’m telling you what, watching your inaction at such a critical time made me almost blow my top and you can bet that I would have exploded by now if I wasn’t as kind and generous as I am. But, of course, I know that you’ll need my help to get out of the pit that you’ve fallen into so I’m definitely going to stick around and never let you forget what you’ve done.
I mean, I’m more than just your employer, right? Of course, I am. I’m also your best friend.
So, let me go over just exactly what I’ve done to help you so that you can’t be stupid and claim that I don’t care.
For one, didn’t I send my new friend right away after your patient and those two bumbling Human brats from another world got back on the path that the Enemy wanted them to follow after they originally strayed off of it? Of course, I did.
Now, just so we’re clear, I want you to know that I don’t blame you for the reappearance of that awful Male who the Enemy stole from me some years ago. As usual, He cheated when He stole that useless punk so I’m not going to get upset about the fact that you couldn’t turn his head back to me.
Say, do you remember studying that Male’s particular case at Temptation University? No, huh? Well, you did like to sleep in class so I’m not surprised. But, that excuse won’t get you off the hook now that you’re tempting in the field, will it? Of course not, you foolish moron. You should’ve known all about that abhorrent Male so I’m definitely not going to help you out by reviewing his file now.
On the other hand, that new Female should have been easy fodder for you because she didn’t have any prior indoctrination from the Enemy. I mean really, I just started salivating when I first noticed her in this awful world and you can bet that I’m boiling with rage right now because you couldn’t bring her down to my dinner table.
I mean really, why didn’t you suggest that your patient had better things to do than to answer the Enemy’s call to serve? I know that jerk knows the dangers that were associated with the assignment he was given so, of course, he should definitely have been looking out for himself. Besides, if he really cared about those two idiot Humans, he would’ve warmed them away from such a treacherous mission.
I know your colleague, Pyrrho’s patient, would have been more kind and looked out for such inexperienced fools as those Humans were. He would’ve certainly had their best interest at heart and, as I’m sure you’ve heard by now, I’m just furious that your colleagues’ couldn’t handle that old geezer’s so-called friends well enough so as to give me a chance to eliminate them from this battle.
Or how about this? You could have suggested to your patient that he let those two inept Humans should venture off by themselves? Why didn’t you do that? After all, the Enemy clearly didn’t ask them to travel with such a tiresome Beast as your patient is. I’m telling you what, you’d think that a jerk like him would be more cheerful because the Enemy has a long-standing order about His ranks always wearing a smile and being happy, no matter what horrible situation He leads them into.
I mean really, I’ve often wondered if the Enemy wasn’t just blowing smoke when He claimed to have accepted your patient into His army because that worthless punk always seems to be breaking one of His most important commands.
But I digress, so let me just say that I would have been delighted to be able to step in and lead those bumbling Human brats throughout their long wearisome journey instead of watching your patient do it. I would definitely have been much more positive and encouraging and, undoubtedly, I would have given them a much better time.
Say, have you ever seen a more brilliant tactical move than the one my new friend pitched when she suggested that your patient and those incompetent Humans should stop over at the place that she suggested? She knew the hosts who live in that place would provide them with a nice stimulating conversation, delicious food, and a warm bed so they could recover their wits after the Enemy sent them into the middle of nowhere to chase their tails with only four vague directions to follow.
I mean really, if that doesn’t prove that He isn’t looking out for them then I don’t know what does.
But, speaking of that delightful layover, were you paying attention when your varmint became a cannibal? Oh, my me, that was one of the funniest things that I’ve ever seen and you can bet that I’d still be laughing about it if the Enemy hadn’t cheated by turning that delightful episode into one that eventually benefited Himself.
I’m telling you what, I think my country is still rattling from the fireball that exploded from my beak when I saw your patient use that hilarious incident as a springboard to get all preachy about all the rumors and lies that have always surrounded the Enemy’s supposed actions from a million years ago.
If he had only kept his slimy mouth shut and hid his head in despair because he and those maladroit Humans had committed such a delightfully heinous act then my plans would probably still be intact.
Let me tell you, he had no right to claim that their cannibalism couldn’t separate them from the Enemy because it undoubtedly does. After all, the Enemy is so holier than thou that He would never consent to allying Himself with varmints who break His covenant.
Oh my me, if you had only been more effective at suggesting that your patient had hopelessly wandered away from the Enemy’s path when he became a cannibal, then I’m just certain that he would have never had it in him to explain all those unfounded rumors.
Not only that, if he had been infected with Despair like he should have been, he would never have given those useless punks the Enemy’s armor and then they would have been unprotected when they finally did battle with my new friend and I would be gorging on their souls at this very moment.
Of course, all this finally brings me to what I am most furious about.
So, tell me, you worthless fool, why didn’t you read my memo about how the Enemy Himself had trespassed into my new friend’s dark realm and was in the same room with all of you?
Oh, sure, I knew you wouldn’t believe the memo because you couldn’t see Him standing there, but you should have read it and believed because I don’t steer my employees in the wrong direction, do I? Of course, not.
Well, just look where your negligence has gotten you? You were in the perfect spot to support my new friend by whispering suggestions that would support her inspired and enlightened speech, but instead you inhaled so much of her enchanting drugs that you couldn’t even stop the Enemy from whispering all His pretty words about some old-fashioned Deeper Magic that He has locked up somewhere.
I’m telling you what, if He has had this Deeper Magic in His possession all this time then you’d think that He would have been sharing it instead of insisting that His ranks work for what He gives them.
But, then again, that’s the difference between Him and me.
Well, at any rate, you’d just better make sure you read my next memo because that will be the one that tells you when to report to my Corrections Department.
The Loathsome, Frightening, Power-Hungry,
Tash
(all honor and glory to me)
Author’s Notes: Barb is named for Barbiturates, which are any drugs in a class of sedative or sleep-inducing drugs derived from barbituric acid. I think it fits well with how the Lady of the Green Kirtle (LGK) tries to lull her victims to sleep so that she can control them.
Puddleglum is one of Narnia’s most beloved characters and his speech in Underland goes down as epic, but is there anyone out there who, like me, gets a little annoyed with his constant nonsensical pessimism? I mean, I can go for a little bit in the name of good ole comic relief, but have you ever wondered how many times Eustace and Jill ground their teeth in frustration or secretly wished that Glimfeather had given them a more positive guide? Surely, Puddleglum isn’t the only Narnian who can make his way in the Northern Lands, right?
But then, almost startlingly, we find out that this eternal pessimist is actually quite lion-hearted. I think we really start to see his faith shine through when they’re trapped and under threat at the House of Harfang so let’s look at our heroes’ reactions to one of the most shocking and disturbing things to ever happen in the Chronicles: the eating of the Talking Stag.
Jill feels bad for the poor Stag. I think she plays the part of someone who has just been introduced to the Christian faith, but doesn’t really have any experience at being a Christian. Her reaction is what we would expect from a Narnia first-timer because she doesn’t know the covenant rules pertaining to Talking Animals vs. dumb ones so she can only instinctively feels bad. Maybe that’s not unlike a new Christian who has only beginning ideas about how Christ wants them to live, but the ideas are enough to make her feel bad about what she has done, even if she doesn’t fully understand the grievances of the offence. I wonder if maybe Jill feels like she might have permanently ruined her chances of being a follower of Aslan before she really even got started…
Eustace feels like he just found out about a murder. It’s what we might expect from someone who has been to Narnia before, but you can definitely see how his post-Dawn Treader time in our world has regressed his faith because, while he is sickened by what he has done, he doesn’t think to personalize it enough. A part of him has forgotten, only to be jarringly reminded, about Narnia’s covenant rules. I think he represents a fairly new Christian who knows that he has been forgiven for his past mistakes, but has now messed up again. Maybe he feels like he should have known better. He probably knows that this infraction is much worse than what got him turned into a dragon so maybe he wonders if Aslan will forgive again? I wonder if he thinks of his cousins? They didn’t forget the old covenant rules, despite being out of Narnia for a whole year between The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and Prince Caspian. Then out another year before The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Remember how Susan didn’t shoot the wild bear that chased Lucy because she feared that it was a Talking Bear? But Eustace sailed on the Dawn Treader only six months (tops) ago so shouldn’t he have remembered the rules too? What will the kings and queens of old think of their cousin? I wonder if he ever tells them…?
Now, for Puddleglum, the born and raised Narnian, who plays the part of a long-time Christian and mentor to his young charges. When he realizes that he has been eating Talking Stag (his own compatriot) it is like telling him that he has eaten a baby. He understands the grievousness of the offence, but he also knows the Lion in whom he has had a life-long trust.
I find it amazing that the cannibalism scene doesn’t break his spirit like Tash intends. Instead, the Marshwiggle sits the two children down and explains his faith-perspective until they come to see the offence as he does. By doing so, his function is like that of the Beavers with the Pevensies, the Pevensies with young Trumpkin, and Reepicheep with Eustace.
Frankly, I think that this talk is the pivotal moment in the story because the cannibalism episode exposes the faith-perspective problem that Eustace and Jill have had up until then. How differently things might have gone during their confrontation with LGK if they hadn’t had this faith-fortifying talk beforehand! She would have run circles around them!
Now, let me explain why I added the bit about the Deeper Magic into this chapter.
We know that after His resurrection, Aslan tells Susan and Lucy that “the Witch knew the Deep Magic from the Dawn of Time, but did not know the Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time”.
So, let’s say that the Deep Magic is knowledge of His existence, but the Deeper Magic is His plan for salvation.
Obviously, the new queens told their brothers about Aslan’s revelation and then the four of them spent the Golden Age spreading the news to everyone who will listen. Then, when they return, they again share the revelation with the Old Narnians and, undoubtedly, Caspian diligently continues to spread the word after they’ve gone home again. So, by the time we get to The Silver Chair, knowledge of the Deeper Magic is accessible to anyone who goes looking for it.
But Narnians must inherently see the Deeper Magic (as embodied in the risen Lion) differently than we tend to see the risen Christ in this world.
For us, we know that our risen Lord is alive and helping us on a day to day basis, but I don’t think that we tend to consciously recognize the “strangers” in our path as potentially Christ in disguise.
However, in Narnia, we know that Aslan can and does take forms that are not readily recognizable as Himself. He is a cat in The Horse and His Boy and an albatross in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. He also appears as a lamb in that book. We also know that He is sometimes on scene, but invisible until He is made visible. This happens in the Magician’s House on Dufflepud Island and when the Pevensies and young Trumpkin are traveling through Narnia on their way to meet Caspian for the first time.
Lucy’s reading of the “Visible” spell makes Him visible to her and in Prince Caspian He becomes visible to them according to their faith that He is there.
So, maybe, “living like a Narnian” (as Puddleglum puts it in his speech) means that you are constantly aware of Aslan’s presence, even if you don’t see a tangible Lion standing in front of you.
Now, let’s say that Puddleglum, as a faithful life-long follower of Aslan, remembers that the risen Lion could actually be present, but invisible, in Underland and his “act of faith” in stomping out the enchanted fire is what makes Aslan visible to him. Then, after seeing Aslan right there with them in Underland, his head becomes perfectly clear and he knows just exactly what he thinks and he isn’t afraid to tell LGK.
Now, just one more note. I mentioned Puddelglum’s mentor connection with the Beavers, the Pevensies, and Reepicheep, but I think he also has a martyr connection with Tumnus. Sure, he doesn’t die, but he would have if he’d given his speech to LGK alone. Tumnus was alone when he stood up to the White Witch. The Marshwiggle had friends with him to fend this new Witch off.
Bible verses: Psalm 121:3-8; John 15:13; Ecc. 4:9-10; Matt. 7:13-14, 8:18-22; Phil. 4:4-7, 12-13; John 16:33; Rom. 5:3-5, 6:14, 8:15-17; 2 Cor. 12:9-10; Eph. 3:14-19; Phil. 3:10-14; 1 John 5:10-13; Matt. 9:12-13; Mark 2:17; Luke 5:31-32; Eph. 6:10-18; 2 Kings 6:15-17; Eph. 2:1-10