My Dear Hitler,
Did I really just hear a varmint call for me to come into the Enemy’s chosen country?
Oh, my me, it is a delight to my ears to be invited into that place because He has always tried to keep me out. Now I’m absolutely sure that my tireless efforts over the last few centuries are going to pay off.
Of course, if more of your ancient colleagues had been worth their salt, I’m sure that this productive scenario would have come about much sooner, but I’m not writing to you to harp on about the past.
After all, the future looks glorious and I can’t wait to start gorging on all the rotting souls.
Now, I’m assuming that you probably think that I’m going to deliver you a promotion while I’m floating around His chosen country, but you’d better get it into your fat head that I don’t dole out such things lightly. In fact, instead of lowering your status down here, I’m just going to tell you the story of how I brought all this delightful decay into fruition.
I’m sure that you’ll like hearing my story more than you’d like getting a promotion anyways, right? Of course, I am.
So, let me get started. Some generations back, I began making little suggestions about how the Enemy’s self-proclaimed wildness makes Him unpredictable and therefore the vermin shouldn’t always just assume that He has their best interest at heart.
Well, I’m telling you what, my suggestion has really changed the vermin’s relationship with Him. It wasn’t very long ago when they were always delighted when He came to visit because they all assumed that He loved them and would help them with whatever problems they had, but my suggestion has clued them into a more deliciously frightful reality by putting more emphasis on His wild nature and now they’re starting to see Him through more productive eyes.
Of course, it wouldn’t have been as easy to infect them with such great ideas if they were as industrious about learning about His self-proclaimed qualities as past generations have been. But, luckily for me, my suggestions have lulled most of them to sleep.
Now, let me move on to your patient. Do you know what my first stroke of genius with him was?
It was to suggest that he should become friends with those Males from the country that likes me more than the Enemy when they came to sell their produce in His chosen country.
I mean really, he ate more than just food right out of their hands when they told him about how enlightened he was and how it was such a shame that he had to live in such a backwards old-fashioned land without any opportunities to learn from their modern utopian society.
I’m telling you what, I was just delighted when one of those great enlightened Males finally revealed to your patient that he was a favorite of that most delicious Male who rules the country that likes me more than the Enemy. And I just cracked up when I heard him suggest that your patient might also become a favorite of that Male ruler if he made himself useful to him.
I mean really, the tactic of Pride can put a varmint on very shifty ground and I can’t wait until your patient slides right into my oven.
Of course, I’m also delighted that he hasn’t come down to my dinner table yet because he has been very useful to me as I work towards my ultimate goal of sitting on the Enemy’s throne.
Say, isn’t it hilarious how he made his so-called friend, your colleague Slexi’s stupid patient, his slave?
I mean, I know that the Enemy has always outlawed the enslavement of varmints like Slexi’s patient but I’ve never understood why. After all, varmints who are as dumb as that jerk claims to be should be enslaved for their own so-called good and the so-called good of society. Just think about how backwards and old-fashioned the Enemy’s chosen country is and it’s perfectly obvious why varmints with your colleague’s patient’s mental capacity shouldn’t be roaming around in freedom.
But, let me get back to your patient because the moment that he found that hunk of dead skin floating in the water is a favorite of mine.
Now, tell me, wasn’t it a great idea to suggest that he could use that old hunk of skin to keep his promise to that enlightened Male ruler from that country that likes me more than the Enemy by making Slexi’s patient dress up like the Enemy so that His dimwitted ranks would do his bidding?
Of course, it was a great idea. All my ideas are awesome.
I’m telling you what, the Enemy may have cheated in the past to deny me the right of sitting on His throne but this time I’m going to win what I deserve because His followers are all so dumb.
Frankly, I still can’t help but crack up when I think about how your patient took Slexi’s patient around at night, disguised as the Enemy, to start the gossip chain about His return and His ranks were too excited to be discerning and to out of touch with His self-proclaimed qualities to figure out my great ruse.
I mean really, in the past it wasn’t enough for those ancient jerks to simply see Him from a distance. They demanded interaction with Him and, unfortunately, He always used His fame to indoctrinate them into thinking that He was good.
But nowadays, thanks to my awesome suggestions, this new generation of punks isn’t as concerned about His self-proclaimed goodness because I have reminded them that He is just too wild to be so-called good all the time.
Say, I just have to tell you how much fun it is for me to watch your succulent-looking patient work the crowd when he is leading those rallies by that stable.
It just cracks me up to see how he uses the Enemy’s old lines about honoring leaders to get all those punky varmints together so he can whip them into shape.
Oh, my me, his productive orders in the Enemy’s name have placed a delightful hardship on the vermin rabble and some of them are starting to think that it would be better to place their allegiance with someone who is more tame than the Enemy. And, of course, I’ll be right there to swoop in and give them what they want because I have as mild a character as any varmint could ever hope for.
Of course, those rallies do more than just point out that there’s been a change in leadership in the Enemy’s chosen country, don’t they? Of course, they do. They also help your patient weed out any opposition to my great coup.
I mean, those varmints who continue to blindly follow the Enemy have oftentimes exposed themselves at these rallies and then your patient is able to use my awesome suggestions to deal with them by either bringing them in line or ostracizing them for their childish old-fashioned loyalty.
And, of course, it is of the utmost importance to keep any renegade varmints in check because, unfortunately, the Enemy is far too wild to actually be contained inside the stable or be at the beck and call of my self-proclaimed mouthpiece.
That is why my greatest suggestion has been to spoil His image by intertwining it with my own. After all, even though the vermin don’t trust Him as much as they used to, they still don’t like me so it is to my advantage if they think that He and I are one.
If they think that then, with any luck, they won’t call on Him and give Him an opportunity to try and cheat again.
I’m telling you what, even an employee who is as productive as you have been probably can’t fathom the fireball that would erupt from my beak if one of His followers called on Him to cheat like He has all those times in the past.
Not that I’m expecting something to happen because I really don’t see how He can interfere this time, but I can’t ever let my guard down because He has always claimed that He never sleeps.
That being said, I must caution you about your patient having many more dealings with Kurtvon and Alas’ patients. Unfortunately, even though they have done some work, your colleagues haven’t been quite as productive as you have been so too much interaction with their patients could be problematic.
Of course, there are other varmints who’s inner thoughts concern me a great deal and obviously I have more letters to write, but I’m not as concerned about those punks threatening your assignment because they don’t hold as much national sway as the jerks that I’ve just mentioned.
I mean, with any luck, Eppo’s patient’s relations will continue to keep that punk in the dark.
And as for Pela’s patient, I’m sure the reports that I’ve seen on him are just really great lies. After all, he is from the country that likes me more than the Enemy so I’m confident about where his allegiance lies.
Well, it seems like it’s just about time for your patient to call another one of those productive rallies, right? Of course, it is. I just salivate whenever I watch those meetings and I want to do something fun while I write my next letter so you’d better get out there. I’ll just make sure that my ovens are burning at their hottest for when your patient finally arrives and then you can be sure that I will personally come to your patient’s rally. After all, I have been waiting a long time to be invited to come into the Enemy’s chosen country and I’m not about to disappoint the masses.
Your very hungry employer,
Tash
(all honor and glory to me)
Author’s Notes: First off, I would like to note that as The Last Battle can be seen as the “Revelation” book in the Narnia series, I’m going to frame this section as more akin to the “Parable of the Wise and Foolish Virgins”. Some characters are ready when the Bridegroom returns and others aren’t.
Also, in choosing Hitler for Shift’s demon name, I’m not trying to equate the Fuhrer with the Beast/Antichrist found in Revelation. I chose him simply because both he and Shift were master manipulators who managed to convince their nation to believe some horribly crazy lies and a lot of horrible things came about as a result.
As for this letter itself, I decided that I didn’t want it to be solely about Shift’s temptations. Since he becomes a Tash meal and we have no in-between character to talk about after the The Silver Chair section, I wanted to use this letter to set up the narrative for what’s going on in this last book that makes conditions conducive for the Ape’s take over.
I think the most striking thing about The Last Battle is that the byword for Aslan has become “He is not a tame Lion”. In the earlier books the byword on everyone’s lips has always been “He is not a tame Lion, but He is good”.
It begs the question, what’s the difference between being merely “not tame” (i.e. wild) and being “not tame, but good”?
I believe that if Aslan was merely wild, He would be arbitrary and unpredictable and no one could believe that He always had their best interests at heart. Aren’t we all cautious around wild animals…especially, large predatory ones? And, why is that? They’re unpredictable.
Yet, when we’re reading Narnia, the good characters anxiously await the Lion’s appearance! Heck, we readers long for Him to come! And, why is that? Because, He is good. He always saves the day and puts things right. His goodness is a predictable quality and those who love Him can freely anticipate it.
Of course, He is also wild, but that seems to only be manifested in how He chooses to display His goodness. Each book holds a new adventure and the characters are often in tight situations, but those who stick with Him are always satisfied at the end of their story.
For me, this misconception in the The Last Battle generation makes Aslan out to be more like Zeus than Christ. They fail to remember that He “is the same, yesterday, today, and forever” and instead come to believe that He would suddenly throw them under the bus for whatever arbitrary whim tickles His fancy at the moment.
And, yes, I know that a few characters raise protests, but that really feels like it’s too little, too late. Wouldn’t it have been far more productive if the whole nation had started pushing back right away? Any attempts to enslave the Talking Beasts and murder the Talking Trees should have incited instant alarm and resistance from everyone because Aslan forbid such things on the first day and He isn’t going to change His mind on the last. But, instead the Beasts just accept and surrender because they figure that He has suddenly decided to sell them out.
Let me give you a few quotes from the Chronicles to illustrate how various characters’ perception of Aslan affects their expectations of Him.
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe: Susan: “I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”
Mrs. Beaver: “That you will, dearie, and make no mistake. If there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking then they’re either braver than most or just silly.”
Lucy: “Then he isn’t safe?”
Mr. Beaver: “Safe? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course He isn’t safe. But He’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
The Horse and His Boy: Aravis: “Shasta—I mean, Cor—no, shut up. There’s something that I must say at once. I’m sorry I’ve been such a pig. But I did change before I knew you were a prince; honestly I did when you went back and faced the Lion.”
Cor: He wasn’t really going to kill you at all, that Lion.”
Aravis: “I know.”
Both were still and solemn for a moment as each saw that the other knew about Aslan.
Prince Caspian: But for the movement of His tail He might have been a stone lion, but Lucy never thought of that. She never stopped to think whether He was a friendly lion or not. She rushed to Him. She felt her heart would burst if she lost a moment. And the next thing she knew was that she was kissing Him and putting her arms as far around His neck as she could and burying her face in the beautiful rich silkiness of His mane.
Lucy: “Aslan, Aslan. Dear Aslan, at last.”
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader: Eustace: “But who is Aslan? Do you know him?”
Edmund: “Well…He knows me. He is the great Lion, the Son of the Emperor-beyond-the-Sea, who saved me and saved Narnia.”
The Silver Chair: Rilian: “Courage friends. Whether we live or die Aslan will be our good Lord.”
And who can forget Puddleglum’s speech?
The Last Battle: Tirian: “The Horse said it was by Aslan’s orders. The Rat said the same. They all say Aslan is here. How if it were true?”
Jewel: “But, sire, how could Aslan be commanding such dreadful things?”
Tirian: “He is not a tame Lion; how should we know what He would do?”
Slexi is Puzzle’s demon. Kurtvon is assigned to Tirian. Alas is paired with Jewel. Eppo is Poggin’s demon. Pela is with Emeth.
Bible verses: Matt. 7:9-11; Luke 11:11-13; Rom. 5:6-8; 8:14-17; 1 John 4:19; Deut. 6:6-9; Prov. 16:18; Matt. 7:13-14; 1 John 4:1, 18; Rom. 13:1-2; Matt. 11:28-30; 2 Cor. 6:14-18; Psalm 121:3-4