My Dear Slexi,
It has been simply a delight to my eyes to enter into the Enemy’s chosen country and find so many varmints who are living so comfortably and securely within the routine of their worthless lives.
And, naturally, I wanted to send you a special congratulations because your patient has been so productive in serving your colleague Hitler’s patient that he just might be the tamest varmint of all.
Of course, I can’t congratulate you now, can I? Of course not. And do you know why? Of course not. You’re an imbecile.
Well, let me just tell you why I can’t congratulate you. It’s because your worthless punk has just gone wild again.
I’m telling you what, I bet you can’t even imagine the fireball that exploded from my beak when I saw him running wild with my own eyes. I mean really, if I was writing this letter from my own country, my lair would have gone up in flames by now.
But I’m hiding my real nature while I’m in the Enemy’s chosen country so that, with any luck, those enlightened varmints from the country that likes me more than Him can bring some more varmints down to my dinner table by continuing to convince them that He and I are the same.
Of course, with any luck, it won’t be long until I steal His throne and then all the vermin will find out just exactly who they’re dealing with.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not blaming you for the little inconvenience that your patient’s escape from slavery has caused. After all, it isn’t your fault. I mean, I knew that I was dealing with the Enemy’s latest cheating move the moment that I saw your punk with that Human varmint who rules the Enemy’s chosen country and his so-called best friend.
Do you know how I knew that the Enemy was involved? I knew it because not only was your patient with that ruling punk and his so-called best friend, he was also with that horrible Male and Female Human duo from another world who have been here before.
I’m telling you what, it simply isn’t fair for Him to interrupt my great progression towards stealing His throne by using the same old cheating tactic that He uses every time. I’m not surprised though because He is always doing the same thing over and over.
I just can’t believe that He would stoop so low as to bring back that same useless Male and Female who were here several centuries ago.
And, of course, since I still haven’t let it go, I really can’t believe that He is still using that useless Male who He stole from me so long ago. I’m just certain that He is doing it just to rub it in my face.
Well, at least I haven’t seen that terrible foursome who used to rule His chosen country in the ancient times. Oh, my me, they were some of His worst agents so I was glad that He finally banished them because I don’t have to deal with them anymore.
Well, at any rate, let me get back to your patient because I’ve been waiting for him to come to my dinner table for a long time and I’m not about to lose him just because a stupid little nitwit like yourself wasn’t clever enough to handle his assignment.
Oh, my me, I still remember the day when all of my great suggestions finally led your jerk away from the path that the Enemy wanted him to follow and he entered into your colleague Hitler’s patient’s service.
Say, do you remember how I first got your patient and Hitler’s together? I started out by making little suggestions about how your patient was so smart and worldly that he didn’t need to lean on the Enemy’s understanding to manage his own life and that your colleague’s foolish patient would benefit from his knowledge.
Then, by and by, with the help of those great enlightened Males from the country that likes me more than the Enemy, I shifted things around so that your dumb patient began to realize that he isn’t really fit for anything but to be enslaved by his own so-called friend.
Oh, my me, do you remember the great battle that I waged with the Enemy over your patient when he first entered into Hitler’s patient’s service? I’m telling you what, I had to stay alert for months on end to counter Him whenever He tried to incite your patient’s natural inclination towards wild stubbornness.
Well, naturally, I won that battle for your patient’s soul because my previous suggestions had incited him to rely on his own wits so he’d let the Enemy’s armor get rusty and stopped asking Him to give him so-called wisdom and was just enjoying the comforts and security of a tame life.
But, that’s what makes his newfound freedom so inconvenient, doesn’t it? Of course, it does. While he was leading a tame life I knew that he wouldn’t follow the Enemy’s lead because He is wild. But now that you’ve made the very serious error of letting him escape you can’t just rely on any of the old tame routines to keep him out of the Enemy’s paws.
Now, I know that you aren’t clever enough to anticipate the kind of wild goose chase that the Enemy might lead your patient on now that you’ve lost your grip on him so you’d better be glad that you have someone like me on your side. I know everything about Him and I also know that it won’t be very long until I claim an awesome victory over Him.
All you need to do to get back on track with your assignment, and thereby avoid an eternal punishment at the talons of my Corrections Department, is to suggest to your patient that he has messed up so badly that he is unforgivable. Remember, Guilt is a heavy tactic that can weigh a varmint down even when the Enemy claims that they are lifted up.
But, of course, feeling guilty alone won’t bring him down to me because, unfortunately, the Enemy likes to cheat by hounding guilty varmints with His so-called love until they start to forget about Guilt. To prevent this, you must follow up the Guilt tactic by making the suggestion that your patient’s only recourse for his guilt is to return to Hitler’s patient’s service.
If you can manage that then, with any luck, your patient will fall back into the great productiveness that he had while he was living the tame life and he won’t bother about the Enemy again.
And don’t worry, I’m sure that it won’t be long until I’m sitting on the Enemy’s throne and then you won’t have to concern yourself with being clever enough to not mess up again.
Your very hungry employer,
Tash
(all honor and glory to me)
Author’s Notes: Slexi is named for Dyslexia. Many times a person with Dyslexia thinks of themselves as dumb or other people tell them they are, but they really aren’t. This fits with Puzzle’s belief that he isn’t smart and Shift constantly reinforcing that. But Puzzle is actually quite sensible.
I think the most striking thing about Puzzle is his self-proclaimed byline of “I’m not clever”. If he was using modern vernacular, he might have said, “I’m stupid” or “I’m dumb”.
However, in Narnia, a “Dumb Beast” refers to an animal who was not given the gift of speech. It refers to an animal who the Humans are allowed to subjugate. It refers to an animal who is not a party under The Magician’s Nephew Covenant. So, interestingly, Puzzle is not only claiming that he is dumb, he is also allowing Shift to treat him like a Dumb Beast.
The Puzzle/Shift relationship is probably the most shocking one in the whole Chronicles because both of them are Narnian born and raised (we assume) so they should both be aware of the Covenant and know that what they’re doing is wrong.
Unlike Hwin and Aravis, who we readers tend to cut some slack at the beginning of The Horse and His Boy, Puzzle and Shift can both be held accountable for their wrong actions.
Now, interestingly, Puzzle being a donkey is about as ironic as Reepicheep the Mouse being the “most valiant knight” of Narnia. Just as we might think that a Mouse character should have a mousy personality, we also might think that a donkey character shouldn’t be as compliant as Puzzle is. I mean, we all know what the “other term” for a donkey is, right?
So maybe if Puzzle was living the kind of life that Aslan intends for a Donkey to live, he would be more like The Last Battle’s Bree rather than The Last Battle’s Hwin and Shift’s schemes might have been nipped in the bud! Would Bree put up with Shift’s demands? I think not!
But Bree isn’t the only ancient Narnian who we might compare Puzzle to had he stood his ground when it counted. He might also be comparable to Puddleglum or Mr. Tumnus too. Particularly Tumnus because, like the faun, Puzzle is helping the bad guy before the story starts. The difference is that once Lucy shows up, Tumnus finds the courage to stand up to the White Witch but Puzzle doesn’t.
Now, for one last note, I want to mention Puzzle’s presence in Aslan’s Country. If that seems weird to you, because of his obvious failings, let me remind you that Aslan doesn’t keep a scorecard. Puzzle himself says that he met and talked with the Lion so perhaps, like older Trumpkin in The Silver Chair, He forgave the donkey’s failings during that conversation and Puzzle was admitted into Aslan’s Country because he is a son and not a “Dumb Beast”.
Bible Verses: Rev. 3:14-17; Matt. 7:13-14; Prov. 3:5-6; Psalm 121:3-4; Rom: 7:14-25, 8:14-17; Eph. 6:10-18; James 1:5; Matt. 8:19-22, 16:24-25; Luke 9:23-24, 57-62; 2 Cor. 3:18; 1 Cor. 2:9-11; Matt. 11:28-30; Rom. 5:6-8