“In the beginning it created Elohim.”- The Zohar
“At the center of the universe dwells the Great Spirit and that center is really everywhere, it is within each of us.”- Black Elk
I was actually once an atheist, and an angry atheist at that. I thought that religion was all from the Dark Ages and immoral. But I realized many things that changed my mind on the subject. I realized things about meaning, purpose, science, ethics, the Big Bang, evolution, religions, history, and personal experience. Perhaps the main reason I did not believe in G-d was that I never got an explanation on what God is made of: simply spirit. But that sounds like G-d is made of nothing and therefore doesn’t exist.
Hitherto, science (which is younger than religion and constantly changes) has mostly been a reconstruction of nature top-down and bottom-up by means of experiment and mathematics. The sciences are based on countless emergent regularities that I think must have come about by G-d. The universe could have been completely random and chaotic and science would not have been possible.
There are also great mysteries and possibilities to the Big Bang and our equations break down at the moment. Why is there something rather than nothing/the void? The creation of the universe I suspect was a self-caused cause or uncaused-cause and circular expansion of light and space in all directions expelling the infinitesimal unstable void of the singularity (mathematically indescribable absence of any and everything) unfolding to infinity with mathematical necessity (it’s as if the universe started making sense of it self counting from zero) perfectly contemplating it self and its possibilities figuring out the most meaningful plan for all consciousness after which G-d limited him self for consciousness to arise in Tzim Tzum as they say in Kaballah. Consciousness was there from the beginning in the choice to create the universe, G-d’s consciousness is centralized at the center of the universe and his power arises in and exists in controlling everything entangled with it. Our own consciousness is largely based on entanglement. Consciousness is in observation and perception. For I believe that the universe is one object or G-d, and its space time is one with matter and the universe’s quantum wave function is universally entangled and strongest closer and interacting. It’s possible the geometry of space-time is shaped by entanglement, all movement is one. Electric and magnetic fields could be local twists in space time. G-d is the ultimate observer of quantum physics and determiner of time. An infinite past makes no sense we could never arrive at the present.
If there is consciousness here and throughout the universe now, why not at the beginning? Perhaps this perfect necessary being could know and do anything to itself. Perfection is necessary. It had all perfect moral qualities. And it can most efficiently do things all throughout itself. With all of its mathematical possibilities, it could figure out the most coordinated meaningful universe for conscious life. The single most meaningful universe for conscious life to find its true self. A perfect being emerging out of necessity, contemplating the meaning of existing, would lead to less suffering and more fulfillment, and seems the right order. Meaning requires good and evil, and therefore a universe where we learn about good and that of overcoming some evil.
This process also organized the universe for pockets of consciousness (for I don’t think consciousness could emerge in a happenstance, mathematical universe). It is too complex. It requires some control over one’s sense apparatus and organs and a sense of time. G-d enabled long processes of life growing in complexity. A multiverse, on the other hand, requires an infinite past of them, which I think is a contradiction. How can there always be another moment before you would never get to the present. A multiverse seems too senseless, with too much suffering where life is not worth living. So does but one senseless universe. G-d and the universe emerged from the void, which was made up of unstable forces to stay so infinitely small. G-d and the universe, perfectly mathematically, emerged from the void. And G-d so pushed the continued expansion of the universe like an unmoved mover from the center of the universe. At the center of the universe is the densest part with the most existence and control or Heaven. From the center of the universe like a material base G-d can most strongly control nature.
I also realized that true ethics and good meaning and purpose can only exist in a world ordered by a perfect supremely good being, in a universe with the most meaning and purpose which overcomes evil. Contingent random universes do not care about good or evil; it’s a matter of continued power as Nietzsche thought. In a universe without a G-d, evil could easily win for evil is willing to do anything. We all know in our hearts it would be better if there were a moral world, and we hope evil does not win and feel this is the case. And we all know there are rights and wrongs and want to cooperate – part of our conscience, which I think was given by G-d. The highest meaning and value is goodness and G-d is good and created a good world. G-d decides how the universe ought to be and we decide how we ought to live and he works with us in answering prayers. There are different degrees of choice and consciousness throughout the universe. G-d gave us a life of meaning and gratitude but with some suffering. He understands suffering as a being without an equal, at least yet, which gives loneliness. Part of the suffering is we all have a mental struggle (as well as gifts) that we can possibly develop. We are meant to do our purpose before an unknown after life which will have much more happiness. Even a multiverse would have to study the most meaningful universe in which beings are destined to learn about their true selves and make moral choices, to solve the is-ought problem and know what is good and evil beyond their own contingency. Our purpose in this life is to positively respect and affect those around us in our own way by doing good we think G-d would want us to do, and to correct evil. You never know how far that good energy will go or who it will affect. More proof of G-d is the fact that I think all of us at one time believe in a perfect being and pray to it. And one essential property of such a perfect being is existing. Also G-d endowed us with the power of reason that works in this world.
Thus far, we humans have had higher and higher challenges of evil after which we better understand ethics. The one prepares us for the next (for example, the Revolutionary War, then the Civil War, then World War I and II, then the Civil Rights Movement). And I’m sure the nations are so organized by G-d to, in the future, together fight off evil movements even into the space race. There must be some sort of meaning to things like the evil of the Holocaust and slavery or the oppression of the Irish (perhaps the Irish bring conscience to America) and their legacies or life is nonsensical and evil. At the very least a deeper morality like Viktor Frankl and Martin Luther King, Jr. Privilege and hedonism can make one an atheist. But even atheists share a common idea of a God as the perfect creator which they once believed.
My next realization was about organized religion. It is not all from the Dark Ages or evil. Judaism did not come from the Dark Ages or from evil. Jews are one of the most influential groups in history. Jews are the conscience of the world, the advancers of monism from Philo of Alexandria to Maimonides to Spinoza. G-d chose a persecuted exiled tiny people for which he did miracles or rare events to send a message. A group of such diversity – Sephardic to Italian to Ashkenazi Jews. Out of their ideas emerged Christianity (which helped rebuild and moralize Europe after the fall of the Roman Empire) and Islam (which had a golden age) which spread West and East, North and South, across the world. Israel was the perfect location for this at the center of Europe, Asia, and Africa. Later there were the fascinating modern Bahai, Persians who incorporated Abrahamic and Indian and Chinese prophets. I think all religions have a purpose and it’s important they all continue on. Choose values to live by that appeal to you and your conscience. I’m most influenced by Judaism and Christianity. I value most Moses as the greatest servant of G-d and someone who sought justice for Jews upon freedom from Egypt entering the Promised Land, and Jesus as the Messiah and literal incarnation of G-d on earth to experience human life and as literally love. The Enlightenment was an important movement in how European nations interacted, but even more so humanity has grown in comparing and contrasting and trying to improve the Abrahamic religions.
And finally I have had three experiences I believe of experiencing G-d. I once felt an incredibly powerful distant force that made me want to bow telling me to love my neighbor as myself. And to always remember this. Lastly, when I was in a very dark place, it was as if lightning strikes outside could read my mind and I was reassured. And finally I believe I had a heart condition inherited from my father which G-d healed. My pulse is far lower now.
For those who continue to doubt this essay, I offer Pascal’s wager. If you are right, we will all die and be dead for eternity and life is pretty much meaningless (but what about near-death experiences?). If I never see my dear grandmother again life is but a farce. If you are right, and there is no G-d, I have lived by useful values developed over centuries and I have imagined a beautiful moral world. If there is a G-d, I have a helper and purpose and will gain, and you may not. Only in a world designed for good is an afterlife deserving. But I’m sure by the end of your lives you will see patterns throughout your life pointing to a G-d.