It’s a special gift she told me.
Make sure you treat it with great care.
Endure it with love patiently.
Most people will not understand.
You’ll feel like you’re going nowhere,
like you’re cycling endlessly
Living between hope and despair;
but holding a soul in your hand
I hung up the phone angrily,
and I walked to the other room.
Her words echoed repeatedly.
How could anyone understand?
A gift! This was more like doom.
It bordered on insanity.
I paced and then started to fume,
yet I had to meet this demand.
Gifts were for Christmas Day morning,
birthdays and special occasions.
From the one you are adoring,
presents that make hearts feel light;
not this type of an invasion;
that made you feel more like mourning.
Despite her heartfelt persuasion,
this gift just couldn’t be all right.
I walked outside in frustration,
wanting to forget her strange words.
Fuming in deep consternation,
when a gentle breeze suddenly blew.
A recollection long deferred,
carrying deep revelation;
recalling memory interred,
with sudden clarity I knew.
The memory of my father,
whose death was a sudden surprise.
Shock made me inwardly holler.
We spoke only hours ago,
but soon after came his demise
Leaving the world without bother,
left us without saying goodbyes.
Causing deep grief that would follow.
One unusually hot spring day,
We finally cleaned the house out.
Exhausted in every way,
a cold wind blew in from the outside.
It erased my pain and my doubt.
Without words I became okay.
I knew what the Wind was about.
My grief now began to subside.
The Spirit was gracing that breeze.
It so refreshed my burdened soul.
Beyond just a strong sense of ease,
it transformed my great suffering
The wounds in my heart became whole.
Grateful I prayed thanks from my knees.
And for months I would extol,
the truth I was discovering
But from my mind truth gets driven,
because I too often forget
The grace in life I’ve been given,
that I fail to appreciate
Realization brings deep regret.
I wish I had better striven,
and not be angry when beset
When things make my life deviate.
Now this burden was upon me,
deep suffering of another
I thought this was all behind me.
How much more pain could I take?
To avoid it were my druthers,
and I struggled internally
seek happiness, said all the others.
A deeper choice I had to make.
This special gift of suffering,
yields a capacity to love
Difficult and so puzzling.
Pushes you to a painful place.
Beyond what your capable of.
The process gives a great humbling,
that can only come from above
Gifting supernatural grace.
Accepting the gift looked so strange,
to many who just didn’t know
That the world likes to rearrange,
the truth to preserve its blindness.
We can deeply wish it weren’t so.
Others can think we’re deranged,
but the truth is it makes us grow.
Selfishness yielding to kindness.
Suffering brought out my best trait,
when I had little to offer
Always wishing it would abate,
by grace I was illumined
Though some played the role of scoffer,
thinking I was going to break.
Through grace I had more to proffer,
and it would make me more human.
Suffering is a cross to bear.
It’s the strangest gift we receive.
It enables others to share,
from their soul’s deepest reservoir.
Though we may want a reprieve.
Deep down we become so aware.
It is not something we should grieve.
We become better than we are.