~ by Hannah Skipper
My Dear Pillory,
I must say, I was shocked when I received your latest update. How could you be doing such a fabulous job and then go and blow it in mere minutes? What were you thinking?
Of course, I also see that you’re clearly interested in making excuses for yourself, which is just like this worthless generation of demons. I mean, you whined on and on about how all of your colleagues let their patients disappear and that your dirty little patient obviously felt peer pressure to disappear, too, and a whole bunch of other ridiculous rubbish that has no place in a demon’s work. I’m sure that if you were in the Enemy’s camp He would be ready and willing to forgive this gross violation of the rules, but you’re not in the Enemy’s camp, are you, Pillory? No.
Well, just remember, Our Father Below isn’t at all interested in rehabilitating worthless morons like yourself, so be prepared to suffer for this little slip.
However, since I’m such a benevolent demon, I’m willing to hold off on alerting the Corrections Department to arrange your unceasing punishment until after I’ve explained the one tip that will help you get your patient back on track.
That tip is that you should suggest that your despicable patient return to his former behavior.
I mean, I’ve noticed that your last update said that he is now referred to as the Just King, and that has to be the biggest joke around. That dirty little pig couldn’t possibly be considered Just, so I’m sure that it’s only one of the Enemy’s illogical tricks.
Say, did I ever tell you the story about when He used the same trick on us? Well, let me just fill you in. See, once, when I was a student at Tempter’s College, there was an obnoxious Male who was the biggest loser that I ever saw. He was standing before the Enemy wearing the dirtiest rags that you can imagine and, naturally, Our Father Below had a list of all the things that this Male had done and he was all prepared to read it to the Enemy.
Unfortunately, the Enemy didn’t listen to Our Father Below—as if He ever does—and He had one of His own attendants give that Male all new clean clothes. As I said, I was in training then and my class got to watch the whole unfortunate episode. Let me tell you, I was totally appalled by the Enemy’s actions.
But, you know what I learned that day? I learned that it’s actually very easy to convince sorry little varmints who have joined the Enemy’s camp—like your scummy patient—that they, in fact, aren’t clean. That, my dear Pillory, will be your job now.
To do this, you simply fill your disgusting little varmint’s head with all the delightfully horrible acts he committed in the past. Don’t let him think of anything else. Then you suggest that since he is unable to take his mind off all that he has done, the Enemy is most likely unable to forget all the things that he has done, too. This is a delightful little tactic because it can make those worthless Human varmints totally ineffective when it comes to doing things that the Enemy nudges them to do.
They know they aren’t up to His standards so, with any luck, they don’t even try to get there.
Just remember, guilt produces ineffectiveness, and then ineffectiveness produces guilt.
Of course, the Enemy would rather that His followers remember His self-proclaimed proclamation about washing them whiter than snow, but I’m pleased to announce that we’ve made huge inroads in keeping that information far away from their minds.
Now, let me tell you about another tactic that is quite different than the one we just discussed, but no less effective and no less fun. You see, your varmint might be quite proud that he obtained the label of the Just after all the suggestions that you incited in him. If that is the case, then it would be beneficial to you if you incited him to spread the word around. Of course, you would have to manage things very closely to make sure that he didn’t go into much detail about how he became Just, but I’m sure that a smart little demon like yourself can handle that.
Now, I’m sure that you’re wondering why I want him to spread the word on his newfound fame but, quite frankly, you should already know. I mean really, it takes a real imbecile to not understand about hypocrisy.
Well, let me explain. The tactic of Hypocrisy involves coaxing a supposedly clean varmint from His camp to behave as they did before they joined Him. It’s actually quite simple to do and so much fun to watch because it drives down their productivity as a recruiter and, naturally, we want that.
I’m telling you, there is nothing more hilarious than watching a potential recruit walk away from Him because they decided that His ranks were no different than the rest of the Human rabble. Just thinking about it makes me want to laugh.
Say, did you know that your patient’s supposed prowess in the legal system plays perfectly with my suggestion that he should be a hypocrite? You need only to suggest that he should extract only Justice—he is Just, after all, isn’t he? Of course, he is. But be careful that he doesn’t think about mercy. I mean, there is really no reason for him to remember that.
Say, don’t you remember the Enemy’s story about the guy who wouldn’t forgive his co-worker’s debt? Well, I ask you, why should he forgive the guy? That co-worker had it coming, if you ask me. And, as I said before, there is no reason for your patient to remember how that unfortunate story ended.
Oh, by the way, Pillory, did you know that we have a special award down here for demons who manage to turn their varmints into hypocrites? Our Father Below would be quite pleased if you were to accomplish this. You might even be able to make up for your recent slip—but I doubt it.
On the other hand, I will caution you that your patient’s friends and relations will be troublesome for you. You noted that your grimy patient and his older Male relation are listening to each other more often and taking each other’s advice. This is particularly detrimental for our cause and must be controlled as quickly as possible. You must work with Garrote to make sure that they slide back into their old comfortable and productive dissension.
Of course, you must not forget the old loon, either, even after this delightful little war has run its course and your patient no longer has daily access to him. Just coordinate with Picquet and always remember that the Enemy is quite fond of His followers learning from those who are older and supposedly wiser than they are.
Well, as always, I’m here if you have more questions and concerns. I’m always here for you, you know?
Affectionately your Uncle,
Screwtape
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Author’s Notes: Screwtape’s stories are found in Zechariah 3:1-10 and Matt. 18: 21-35
The Pillory was similar to the Stocks and used more to humiliate the victim by allowing the crowd to throw things at them. The difference between mere humiliation and death depended upon what the crowd chose to throw. I picked Pillory as Edmund’s demon because it could have been humiliating for Edmund to become not just a king, but the Just king, if he hadn’t understood that Aslan had paid the price for his treachery and freed him to become everything that he needed to be.
Edmund is unusual among the four Pevensies because his major setback occurs in LWW and then, forever afterward, he is a stalwart character. The others have their setbacks in later books. That’s why, with the others, Screwtape’s advice looks ahead, but with Edmund he directs Pillory to suggest that the younger king return to his former ways.