My Dear Oxiana,
I could have predicted the outcome of this latest episode with your despicable patient before it came to pass. After all, have I not, out of an abundance of concern for you and your final fate, repeatedly warned and threatened you ever since your patient was just a little brat that you must prey upon him like the predator that you were trained to be at Temptation University?
Yet even after all the years that I’ve spent trying to give you the advice that you need to succeed, you’ve still managed to fail miserably at every attempt to charm your worthless punk into behaving like the quiet timid varmint that the Enemy actually created him to be. And, even worse, he has actually now become even more committed to his childish fantasy about the Enemy having some sort of great assignment waiting for him.
I mean really, how could you not convince him that it’s all just cheap talk, even after the Enemy’s recent blatant hypocrisy towards him?
Seriously, how hard could your assignment be? You’re working with one of the smallest, most pathetic varmints in the Enemy’s ranks. Yet, you’ve utterly botched every suggestion that I’ve ever given you and now I’m so livid that I almost threw up those delicious varmints that two of your more capable colleagues, Carios and Fratri, have recently delivered to my dinner table.
Luckily for you and, more importantly, me, I don’t give meals back. Once I’ve eaten a varmint, their soul is mine for ever and ever.
Now, I know what you’ll do when you read this letter. Undoubtedly, you’ll be a moronic little fool and puff up your hood as if you actually deserve praise instead of my eternal wrath. Well, let me just warn you against such an imbecile challenge to my obvious greatness.
I mean really, I think that it’s apparent to everyone down here other than you that I’m the only one who deserves all the honor and glory in the world and the Enemy is being completely unfair to deny me my rights.
But, let me get back to your patient. I’m telling you, I just cracked up when he was maimed in the recent battle against those great varmints who don’t acknowledge the Enemy’s existence. It’s just hilarious when a varmint in the Enemy’s camp gets wounded by my side because, after all, the Enemy claims to protect His ranks.
Obviously, that’s the biggest joke ever.
Actually, I was quite giddy to see that you did some decent work in the immediate aftermath of that productive incident. I’m telling you, after so many years of berating you about your poor on-the-job performance, I was starting to think that I should eat your Temptation University professors for claiming that your bite was potent and lethal. I mean sure, you failed your final exams and then killed and cheated your way to graduation like the snake that you are, but that doesn’t mean you’re worth something.
However, when I saw that you finally took my awesome advice to coil up near your patient and strike him when his guard was down, I decided to be the kind and benevolent Devil that I’m known for being and give you another shot to bring your patient down to me.
You’d better not let me down.
At any rate, I knew that injecting your patient with the great venomous vices of Pride, Anger, Resentment, and Bitterness was the perfect way to utilize your poisonous bite on a varmint in the Enemy’s ranks who has hitherto, unfortunately, enjoyed so much success against my side. Wasn’t it hilarious when the Enemy arbitrarily withdrew His protective favoritism from your varmint and then he finally encountered a little opposition and failure?
But, why couldn’t you ever manage to land such an effective strike before? Your patient’s Prideful attitude about himself isn’t anything new. Hasn’t he’s always been quite arrogant about himself being the Enemy’s top agent in this world? Of course, he has. I’m telling you, if you were worth your salt, you could have weakened him a long ago and then, with any luck, he would be a mere shell of the awful varmint that he, unfortunately, is. I mean really, if I had any luck at all, your patient would be spiritually dead right now.
But, I digress. You know, I was delighted to see your patient’s reaction when that younger Female varmint who used to rule here and has recently returned with her terrible relations told him that her strange magical medicinal liquid gift wouldn’t heal him completely. Oh, I could just see how his great humiliation and desperation had begun to turn his head in my direction.
What a cruel twist of fate for your varmint, don’t you think? I mean, while that horrid younger Female was ruling here with her awful relations she was always running around with that strange magical medicinal liquid, healing any injury and illness that she was allowed too. I’m telling you, if that older Male who used to rule alongside her hadn’t kept her under such strict control, she probably would have healed many other worthless varmints with it.
At any rate, that strange magical medicinal liquid garnered quite a reputation for it’s awful healing properties while that terrible younger Female varmint ruled here so, naturally, I completely sympathized with your patient’s frustration at learning that it was suddenly and inexplicably useless on his grave wounds, even after all of his maddening productivity for the Enemy’s ranks. Of course, as usual, I didn’t impart my great knowledge on him. In fact, I really got quite a kick out of watching him suffer.
Of course, if I cared about your patient, as I naturally care about you, I would have mentioned my suggestion that the younger Female varmint’s healing weapon has obviously passed its expiration date. In fact, it probably expired while she was in her Enemy-imposed exile.
You know, I’m also certain that the Enemy’s love and forgiveness has a limit too.
Say, do you know what was even more amusing and helpful to my cause than that awful younger Female varmint’s useless old magical medicinal liquid? No, I’m sure that you don’t, because you’re nothing but a forked-tongued fool. Well, let me tell you.
It was when your patient asked the Enemy to make him whole and He refused to help your pathetic varmint in his time of need. I’m telling you, what hypocrisy. After all that your patient has done for Him, I’m sure that the Enemy owes him something.
I’m telling you, what the Enemy did to your patient is mean, arbitrary, and unfair. After all, isn’t one of His best lines something about vermin who are persecuted for serving in His army becoming eligible for some sort of so-called blessing and that He Himself will give them their reward? Well, I’m telling you, if His brand of blessings doesn’t include giving a poor worthless punk exactly what He wants exactly when he wants it, then why should anyone sign up to serve Him?
Does the Enemy really think that the vermin are just wretched fools who can’t make it without Him and His so-called grace?
Your patient only asked that his inalienable right to health and happiness be restored, didn’t he? What’s so bad about wanting to have a little honor and glory on the side? Surely the Enemy showed His true colors today when He denied your patient what is rightfully his.
It’s just not fair for Him to take away the thing that supposedly gave your patient his honor and glory.
Of course, as I’ve always known, this is the kind of hypocrisy that the Enemy is capable of. He is always taking away the honor and glory that I crave. It’s just not fair for Him to take all the honor and glory that is owed to me.
But, let me get back to your patient. I can’t even begin to describe how much I was salivating when your horrible whiny little patient told the Enemy that if He refused to restore his most prized possession then your patient would withdraw from His presence.
Oh my me, that just made me more giddy than I’ve been since I ate those two meals that I just finished. I could barely restrain myself because, as a great Devil like me knows, if a varmint withdraws from the Enemy’s presence, they become much more inclined to leave His service and hang up His armor forever and ever.
Naturally, that’s when I swoop in and eat their souls.
I’m telling you, when your patient said that, I just knew that you’d finally warmed up your cold-blooded body and, at long last, become the snake that I trained you to be. After all, you know that I don’t graduate young demons from Temptation University unless they’re capable of getting their assignments done.
You know, I’ll never understand the Enemy’s rigid insistence that He retain all the honor and glory for Himself. After all, your punky little rat is renowned above all others for his service to Him so it seems only fair that He should share His wealth with someone like that.
I certainly would never be caught serving such a pompous Leader; I mean, that’s exactly why I left His service before this world began.
Your patient would really have been better off if he’d examined the Enemy’s terms of service before he signed up to serve in His army. I’m telling you, I’ve never seen such vague terms of service. All it claims is that He is not tame, He’s unsafe, but so-called good.
Well, what’s that supposed to mean? Why should the vermin accept that as a reason to sign on with Him? Wouldn’t it be much better for them if He laid out specific terms of service for each varmint? Don’t they deserve to know what kind of fight that they’re getting into when they go up against me and my employees and what their own personal outcome will be before they sign up? Surely your patient got the short end of the deal because, undoubtedly, the Enemy never bothered to mention that your patient would have to suffer terrible loss and that he was required to forfeit his right to honor and glory.
After all, wasn’t I one of the Enemy’s top employees a long time ago? But, what did He give me for all my service? Nothing. No honor, no glory, no nothing. I’m just glad that your patient finally saw the darkness because those two great meals that I just finished have made me greedy for more.
That being said, I know that you’re a capable little demon so I won’t strike you down with my bolt from above just yet. But, I’ll warn you about something. You see, I exploded with rage when, after your few minutes of decent work, you reverted back to your old worthless ways and allowed the Enemy to interfere and steady your awful little patient’s failing heart.
I mean really, I’ve only warned you about the Enemy’s inclination to be swayed by vermin who are friendly towards His cause for so many years that I’ve lost count. So, tell me, how could you not see this coming? Didn’t I mention that your patient is renowned among the vermin in the Enemy’s camp? So, how could you not have seen it coming when his own relations offered to maim themselves when the Enemy refused to physically heal your patient so that he wouldn’t be forced to live alone in his humiliation and self-pity?
I’m telling you, you should have avoided that entire situation by any means possible and, as usual, I know the perfect suggestion that would have enabled you to do just that. I mean really, do I have to do everything around here? Can’t you buffoons in the field do anything right?
Didn’t you learn, in your Quotations class at Temptation University, that the Enemy says that He remembers sins for several generations and takes revenge on the descendents of those who hate Him?
Well, clearly, your patient was starting to hate Him because He wouldn’t give him the honor and glory that he naturally deserves so the only legitimate question is, who sinned? Your patient or one of his worthless ancestors?
I’m telling you, if you had any sense at all, you would have suggested that question but because you foolishly didn’t take the initiative, the Enemy was allowed to interfere by misquoting Himself. I mean really, did you hear Him? He actually claimed to He bless vermin for thousands of generations when they love Him and follow His orders.
Well, I’m telling you, I’ve always known that He couldn’t have come back to life after my old friend from that bygone great productive era killed Him without the aid of trickery.
And there’s your proof; His own words. Your punky patient’s ancestors are the reason that the Enemy’s bones aren’t still tied to those old rocks.
You know, this whole awful episode has made me wither and howl with rage. I’ve been having so much fun eating the rotting souls of vermin who didn’t believe the Enemy’s claims about being the savior of this world for thousands of years and, even more amusingly, today after He showed up to try and tear down all my hard work, but now I’m absolutely furious that you couldn’t secure your patient’s sordid soul for my next meal.
I’m telling you, if you don’t get your assignment under control once than my bolt will fall on you from above. I saw you do decent work today so I know that your venom is potent and lethal. Mark my words, you idiotic buffoon, you’d better get your patient under control because I’m eternally hungry.
The Loathsome, Frightening, Power-Hungry,
Tash
(all honor and glory to me)
Author’s Notes: I think that Reepicheep represents a Christian on his journey through life in much the same way that Pilgrim represents a Christian on his life’s journey in John Bunyan’s 17th century Christian allegory, The Pilgrim’s Progress.
Oxiana is named for the scientific name for the Central Asian Cobra, Naja Oxiana. I chose it first, for the snake vs. mouse theme.
Second, sometimes this snake is called, among other names, the Caspian Cobra due in part to some of its habitat being around the Caspian Sea. The name reminds me of Reepicheep living in Narnia’s Caspian Era.
Third, and most important, this snake’s bite doesn’t kill it’s victim instantly. Instead, it slowly and systematically weakens its victim’s vital organs until the victim dies. Reepicheep is a beloved character for his courage, compassion, determination, and complete devotion to Aslan. In effect, those traits are what make him strong (a strong character). So, imagine if those strengths were slowly and systematically weakened by Anger, Resentment, and Bitterness after his tail gets chopped off?
At this point, I think it’s worth noting that Reepicheep’s tail is the first and only instance in the whole series that we’re able to witness Lucy’s cordial not heal something. Of course, Father Christmas does tell her that it would heal “almost any injury or illness” but up till now we haven’t actually witnessed its failure to heal something.
Remember also when, in The Horse and His Boy, Lucy notes that she “could soon mend this if she had her cordial” after Corin breaks the dwarf’s arm just before the battle? So the cordial can heal a broken bone. And, later on, we know that she cures Eustace’s seasickness in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader with a drop so it obviously works on that.
Since both a broken bone and seasickness can, given some time, heal themselves, they’re far less serious than Reepicheep’s amputated tail so I imagine that Reepicheep, who is Narnia’s most valiant knight, must feel very put out by the fact that his injury is the one example where the cordial doesn’t work. Now, going back to my demon name, the Central Asian Cobra’s venom has one of the highest untreated mortality rates in its genus so Reepicheep places himself in real peril when he considers withdrawing from Aslan instead of letting the Lion heal his wounded pride.
Bible verses: 2 Cor. 4:17; Heb. 6:10-12; Deut. 31:6; Psalm 91:7; John 16:33; Heb. 13:5-6, 8; Rom. 5:3-5; Eph. 2:1-10; John 3:16-21; Rom. 6:10; Heb. 9:28; 1 Peter 3:18; Matt. 5:10; John 14:2-3; 2 Cor. 12:9-10; Eph. 1:7-9; Matt. 5:13-16, 16:24-26; Mark 8:34-37; Luke 8:16; 9:23-25, 14:25-35; John 8:12; Eph. 6:13-17; Prov. 16:18; John 21:20-22; Eph. 6:10-12; James 5:13-16; Deut. 5:9; John 9:2; Deut. 5:10; John 9:3, 10:17-18; 1 Peter 3:19-22; 1 John 4:14-16